After I threw my copy of The Purpose Driven Life at the radio during the Iraq Studly Group NPR coverage, it squawked, went dead, and then began to emit the material I have transcribed below:
|Announcer:||Are you embarrassed easily? I am. But it's nothing to worry about. It's all part of growing up and being a pundit. This course is designed to eliminate embarrassment, to enable you to talk freely around real subjects, to deny inconvenient and embarrassing truths, and to sniff Hillary's panties. The course has been designed by David Broder, Dean of The Institute of Large-footed and Pasty White Men in Arlington, Virginia. Here, he himself introduces the course.|
|Broder:||Hello, my name is David Broder. Thank you for inviting me into your home. My method is the result of six years work here at the Institute, in which subjects were exposed to simulated embarrassment predicaments, over a prolonged fart - period! time! (fart) ...Sorry. Lesson 1: Words. Do any of these words embarrass you?|
|Voice over:||Teabag. Wurlitzer. Cocktail weinies.|
|Broder:||Now let's go on to something ruder:|
|Voice over:||Wankel rotary engine|
|Broder:||Now lesson 2: Noises. Noises are a major embarrassment source. Even words like "my pet goat", "potent tool" and "eight-inch, cut" cannot rival the embarrassment potential of sound. Listen to this, if you can:
How do you rate your embarrassment response?
If C, you are loosening up, and will soon be ready for this:
[more embarrassing sounds]
Well! How did you rate?
Now lesson 3, in which these rude and dirty sounds are combined with visual suggestions into a embarrassment simulation situation. You are the waiter at this table:
|Cindy:||George, I've got something to show you...
[Unzipping body bag, thud of bloody corpse]
|Broder:||Score 5 for no embarrassment, score 3 for slight embarrassment, and 1 for...|
When Phil runs, people talk...
Well, he'll run in '08 provided his aching joints hold up that long. Once elected, King Philip Jumbo Chumly III, better known as Phil, will likely pee all over the White House and bark at guests (he learned most of what he knows from John Bolton). Read below the fold...
Outgoing Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nevada, praised the [Iraq Study Group] report as a "tremendous step forward."
"[Bush] has the ball in his court now," Reid said. "It is up to President Bush to implement the recommendations of this commission."
"We're going to be watching very closely after the first of the year with oversight hearings" conducted by the Foreign Affairs Committee, the Armed Services Committee and the Intelligence Committee.Read below the fold...
"Keeping us up here eats away at familiesâ€¦The Democrats could care less about families -- that's what this says."
-- Rep. Jack Kingston (R-GA), quoted by the Washington Post, in response to incoming-Majority Leader Steny Hoyerâ€™s (D-MD) plan to increase the Houseâ€™s work schedule from three days a week to five.
Oh, now this memo from my Governor Matt Blunt is hilarious:
Last year there was a great deal of public discussion regarding the Christmas season. Specifically, we heard from those who believe that the Christmas break should be called by a non-religious name such as "Winter Holiday." They also argued that traditional Christmas greetings such as "Merry Christmas" should not be used. Read below the fold...
Oh my goodness! I thought they were going to be Bipartisan! (I guess they were just curious...) Online Wall Street Journal:
Like a retreating army, Republicans are tearing up railroad track and planting legislative land mines to make it harder for Democrats to govern when they take power in Congress next month.
You can trust the Republicans... To be Republicans! Let's hope they leave the D's on the keyboards, eh? Read below the fold...
Ha! Fooled ya! [Remember "we're an empire now; we create our own reality"? How far off those happy days seem! Snicker.]
Here's how AP is framing the recommendations of the Baker Commission, released today. (The Beltway 500 is all atwitter!)
Panel: Try diplomacy in Iraq, then leave
But--But--Where's the pony? Somehow, I don't think Bush is going to be very happy about this. Read below the fold...
Right-wingers will doubtless (and they are doubtless, aren't they?) think I'm talking about the Democrats who control the new Congress.
Alas, as far as I know, every man and woman in the 110th Congress — including each and every donkey — subscribes to a monotheistic faith.