I have no idea how I ran across this today but it’s kinda cute. Actually it would be very cute if it weren’t so damn depressingly accurate. Dude was channelling Royko when he put this one together. From Michael Rosenberg of the Detroit Free Press, an excerpt (so as not to violate Rule 10):

3. When deciding which tragedies deserve the most prominent coverage, use this simple math: 10,000 foreigners = one cute white American chick.

4. If the President of the United States is accused of violating the law on the same day that an African country erupts into civil war and an especially gloomy economic report is released, and you must decide which one is your lead story, ask yourself this: Did the local sports team just win a big game?

5. Internet, Schminternet. It will be gone in five years. People will always love reading a newspaper — and so will you, our intrepid reporter, once you accept our buyout offer.

6. When working at the New York Post, make sure your story includes all six W’s: Who, What, When, Where, Why and With What Kind of Lubricant.

7. When appearing on television, insinuate that all newspaper reporters are biased. When writing for a newspaper, imply that all television people are boobs with no credibility. When at the bar afterward, complain that nobody trusts journalists anymore.

I would end this with “And that’s the way it is, June 4 2007” but I would not want the ghost of Cronkite to come after my ass. No, he’s not dead (unless he went to the Great Newsroom in the Sky in the last 15 minutes or so) but one must think to the future.

Speaking of endings, and that chair where (sob) Uncle Walter used to sit, did Katie the InCouricAble ever come up with a signoff line or not? Since she announced on her first broadcast that the new feature to “open up the airwaves to people you don’t usually hear from” would start of with a spewage from Rush Limpballs, I haven’t been back to check.