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(Jivester News, Lmtd.) In yet another example of how sloppy and just plain stupid some people can be, Al Qaeda has once again forgotten to get the one thing we needed from the store: milk. How many times have we said "Why don't you just write it down? You know, make a list of the items we need?" But no, Mr. Al, too stubborn to listen to anyone, just goes la-la-la all the way down to the market like some school girl high on licorice, and once again wastes all of our time. Oh, and he forgot we were wiretapped. Again. 'Cause that's a hard one to remember. I wish I could quit him.

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You know, living with Al Qaeda started off not too bad. Weekends at the Black Sea eating fish eggs, playing soccer on a hardscrapple scree at the base of the Kyber Pass, evenings spent plotting what the next day's activities might be. Yeah, I'll admit it, it was fun. But that was then. Before the paunch, the nose hairs, the gas bombs in bed. And then when the memory started to fail, well, it turned pathetic. He'd pick up the phone (at an undisclosed location--hah! Turns out he just didn't know where he was!) and start going blah, blah, blah about the enemy and how their suits looked funny, and I'd have to remind him about the wiretaps. Have you ever tried to speak in Pig Latin in Arabic? I didn't think so. He didn't understand a word I said. "Honey, the Infidels listen in on our conversations dear. Watch what you say." and he'd respond, all innocent like, "Oh, that's right. I forgot."

He's losing it and I've had it. And like the songs says Nobody loves you when you're old and gray, there'll be some changes made. I'm serious this time. One more trip to the market without returning with the milk or the eggs or the Hummus Whiz and I'm wallking. No joke. Outta here. Adios. God is good, but enough is enough. Oh for crying-at-a-really-high-pitch-out-loud: he can't even find his glasses. I'm starting all over and moving to Iran. Hope there's somebody there with enough brain cells left in his head to do right by a relationship. Allah be praised.

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This post was inspired by Alberto Gonzalez, the Attorney General of the United States.

More at Atrios.

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Image of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed from here.