"Through this situation I've found Jesus," says Michael Vick, in the grand tradition of Watergate co-conspirator Charles Colson, serial rapist-killer-cannibal Jeffrey Dahmer, and so many other noble souls.
I hope he'll join me at Bible Study for Atheists, where my next reading will be Exodus 29. I'm sure he'll find it captivating, starting with verse #10:
10 And thou shalt cause a bullock to be brought before the tabernacle of the congregation: and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the bullock.
11 And thou shalt kill the bullock before the LORD, by the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.
12 And thou shalt take of the blood of the bullock, and put it upon the horns of the altar with thy finger, and pour all the blood beside the bottom of the altar.
13 And thou shalt take all the fat that covereth the inwards, and the caul that is above the liver, and the two kidneys, and the fat that is upon them, and burn them upon the altar.
14 But the flesh of the bullock, and his skin, and his dung, shalt thou burn with fire without the camp: it is a sin offering.
15 Thou shalt also take one ram; and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the ram.
16 And thou shalt slay the ram, and thou shalt take his blood, and sprinkle it round about upon the altar.
17 And thou shalt cut the ram in pieces, and wash the inwards of him, and his legs, and put them unto his pieces, and unto his head.
18 And thou shalt burn the whole ram upon the altar: it is a burnt offering unto the LORD: it is a sweet savour, an offering made by fire unto the LORD.
19 And thou shalt take the other ram; and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the ram.
20 Then shalt thou kill the ram, and take of his blood, and put it upon the tip of the right ear of Aaron, and upon the tip of the right ear of his sons, and upon the thumb of their right hand, and upon the great toe of their right foot, and sprinkle the blood upon the altar round about.
21 And thou shalt take of the blood that is upon the altar, and of the anointing oil, and sprinkle it upon Aaron, and upon his garments, and upon his sons, and upon the garments of his sons with him: and he shall be hallowed, and his garments, and his sons, and his sons' garments with him.
22 Also thou shalt take of the ram the fat and the rump, and the fat that covereth the inwards, and the caul above the liver, and the two kidneys, and the fat that is upon them, and the right shoulder; for it is a ram of consecration
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Vick finds Jesus
Jesus has an awesome stable of dogs, some of which he's agreed to let go for cheap.
Ram of consecration, huh?
Oopsie!
Thought I was on the Larry Craig thread.
Sorry.
We. Are. Going. To. Die. We must restore hope in the world. We must bring forth a new way of living that can sustain the world. Or else it is not just us who will die but everyone. What have we got to lose? Go forth and Fight!—Xan
"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." -- Mahatma Gandhi
You know that whole Exodus 20:18 was just
a pissing contest between Jehovah and Ba'al ya know. You were aware of this, right?
They had a bet going. I think it involved the Cubs but records are unclear. Just deity-level fuckin' around at any rate. J making the bullock-roast a "sin offering" was just being petty though, it meant all that nice aroma went to waste because nobody Up Above is allowed to sniff of such things. They have to turn the fans on and blow it away if it drifts over. Runs up the electric bill too.
Also Jehovah was looking into starting up the whole concept of "dry cleaning" and figured, hey, how to flog up demand better than to make these schmucks of mine, who dress all in wool for chrissakes, dribble stinky blood upon their garments on a regular basis like whenever they want something from me which is every other day?
the idea got scrubbed, you should pardon the expression, for lack of requisite development of the industrial chemical engineering capacity for a couple of millenia. But seeing how miserable they could make their human adherents without quite sending them over the edge of atheism was the whole point of the gag. J was big on that sort of thing. Ba'al, not so much. Way nicer Almighty all the way around. Why he lost out in the Worship Wars is the real Mystery of the whole affair.
But I gotta say, I have only been to a few ceremonies at synagogues admittedly but never once have I seen any incineration of meat products, nor the sprinkling of blood. And it was a Conservative
synagogue too, you would think they would have some respect for traditions. Feh. They must have been meshuggenah.
i guess i missed that chapter of the bible which says
that dead iraqi children make an acceptable substitute for beef of the hoof. yet it seems many believers think this is the case.
CD,
Exodus is chock full of gratuitously spilled Egyptian blood, but not any in Mesopotamia as far as I know.
One last thing about the Vick case
That I am not vegan and that I buy things held together with glue instead of solder, I will not deny. But I wonder how many NFL fans realize that the money they spend on NFL-merchandising helped pay the salary Vick made (did you really think the Falcons' owner could just cough up cash to fund a contract including $22 million in bonuses?) , and out of which Vick bought the farm and built "Bad Newz Kennelz"? It's not just game tickets and programs and replica jerseys and coffee cups, either -- it's things like dry cereal and frozen vegetables you find that "football star" connection slapped across in the store.
I, for one, will be buying NOTHING I can find that "NFL" connection on.
We can admit that we’re killers … but we’re not going to kill today. That’s all it takes! ~ Captain James T. Kirk, Stardate 3193.0
1 John 4:18