If Christians don't bug the hell out of Jews, who will? And don't say "Muslims" because that's cheating!
What follows is from the musical comedy "Torah, Torah, Torah" set to open at the Starlight Lounge in Mecca this coming Ramadan...
In this scene, the coltish, horsey, equine, studly, whinnying, nostrils-flared, somewhat jangly Ann Coulter rallys a group of baby-aborting, Christ-killing, shekel trading, garlic eating, Melrose-shopping Jews to "better themselves and attain the Holy Land by bowing down to another religious group's rules for attaining the Kingdom of the Sky God."
Act 2, Scene 4: Coulter and the Chosen People gather in the shtetl heizel just before evening prayers...
DO WE WANT TO DANCE FOREVER IN THE GARDEN?
COULTER
Let's go to the Promised Land (I mean the other one)
Not in Israel, the one past the sun
I will lead you there
I am without compare
I will perfect you Jewish people, one by one
THE JEWS
We are a salty lot, that much is true
From our hand to God, it's why we're Jews
It's best we don't go tonight
No thanks, we'll just be sitting tight
Besides our feet are aching--se shtinkt, oy these shoes
COULTER
I'll part the waters just for you
I'll crack the whip to get you through
You need a brand new start
Get Jesus in your heart
And Heaven will be waiting there for you
THE JEWS
Listen up, you tall blonde person
May you feel better yet, and never worsen
It could not be any clearer
If you looked right in the mirror
That perhaps you dershtikt zolstu veren
TOGETHER
Do we want to dance forever in the garden?
Do we want to live eternally serene?
Playing gotcha on Golgotha
Is a book for Philip Roth-ah
As for us we're satisfied with our own team
COULTER
I will perfect you, wait and see
I will bleach you out, your jew-ity
Convert and attain paradise
Just to be safe, convert twice
Only then will you gain eternity
THE JEWS
What, for you disorder doesn't work?
A little chaos make you go berserk?
Do we have problems? Yes, oh, sure
That's why we keep kosher
Did you notice that for us our dogma works?
COULTER
Jehovah has run out of time
Yahweh is just another mime
I don't mean to break your backs
But He made a new contract
Jesus is the victim and you're the crime
THE JEWS
We're thinking maybe you have perversion
Stop with all the nonsense of our conversion
We're not your little dolls
Stop the busting of our balls
Gai platz! to you we are developing aversion
TOGETHER
Do we want to dance forever in the garden?
Do we want to live eternally serene?
Playing gotcha on Golgotha
Is a book for Philip Roth-ah
As for us we're satisfied with our own team
COULTER
Last chance my dears, before I go
Got to get this Exodus on the road
No time for pulling pork
No time for bad New York
I'm a good Christian girl, doncha' know?
THE JEWS
Listen, Coulter dear, go with God
Put on your spandex, show off your bod
May you see His face
And find your master's race
We're thinking maybe He will find you a bit odd
COULTER
Snort, snort, snorty, hee-haw-whinny-woo
Ptui, phooey spitz, just for you
I offer eternal bliss
You give me ass to kiss
Snort, snort, snorty, hee-haw-whinny-woo
THE JEWS
One thing we never do, it's not our style
Is knock upon your door and give a smile
And say right to you
Would you like to be a Jew?
We'd sooner wave at you with a sieg heil
TOGETHER
Do we want to dance forever in the garden?
Do we want to live eternally serene?
Playing gotcha on Golgotha
Is a book for Philip Roth-ah
As for us we're satisfied with our own team
++++
- MJS's blog
- Login or register to post comments
Front page
Comments
Ann Coulter is the New Moses???
I have a cat named Moses and he's highly offended. In fact, he just coughed up a furball in her honor.
Okay, MJS, I love ya, but STOP INSULTING HORSES this way
Coulter is past her prime, anyhow. Let her rot in ignominy.
(The Right is so fond of adolescent figures on its female icons, y'know? They're all Malkinites now, and Coulter allegedly is dating some liberal pundit guy; shades of {delicate shudder} that Cajun with the phony shiner and his GOP strategist wife).
Separated at Birth?
We can admit that we're killers ... but we're not going to kill today. That's all it takes! Knowing that we're not going to kill today! ~ Captain James T. Kirk, Stardate 3193.0
We can admit that we’re killers … but we’re not going to kill today. That’s all it takes! ~ Captain James T. Kirk, Stardate 3193.0
1 John 4:18
As I recall....
...Moses never made it to the promise land. So I think Jewish people should consider her offer carefully.
A world without Coulter is very tempting....
:-|
Are you sure you've got the right end of that horse?
Just asking.
We. Are. Going. To. Die. We must restore hope in the world. We must bring forth a new way of living that can sustain the world. Or else it is not just us who will die but everyone. What have we got to lose? Go forth and Fight!—Xan
"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." -- Mahatma Gandhi
thanks for the pics, Sarah
Malkin hijacked a Coulter posting!
++++