Great headlines of our time! From AP:

Bush Teleconference With Soldiers Staged

Say it isn't so! A staged event?! Surely Bush wouldn't use the troops as a political prop! [Um. I'll pause here to let the laughter die down.]

You know, it almost seems like the press is piling on. I could feel sorry for Bush—If I hadn't studied Him so carefully, and didn't know Him for the sociopathic coke-addled Xanax-popping radio-controlled once-popular lying rat bastard goat-fucker that He is.

Anyhow, it looks like AP is coming to share my carefully considered opinion:

"This is an important time," Allison Barber, deputy assistant defense secretary, said, coaching the soldiers before Bush arrived. "The president is looking forward to having just a [yet another one-way, so-called] conversation with you."

A brief rehearsal ensued.

"OK, so let's just walk through this," Barber said. "Captain Kennedy, you answer the first question and you hand the mike to whom?"

"Captain Smith," Kennedy said.

"Captain. Smith? You take the mike and you hand it to whom?" she asked.

"Captain Kennedy," the soldier replied.

And so it went.

And so it went, and so it goes.

I'mm picturing this story, with this headline, getting ripped off the wire and printed in every smalltown paper in America. And high time, too.

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