The latest Republican talking points

Somebody left a mysterious carton on the front steps of the Mighty Corrente Building. After we finished folding up the brown paper it was wrapped in so we could recycle it for Christmas, we opened it up and found a typewritten manuscript. It’s pretty short; all the Republicans must be off getting lawyered up:

Longer McClellan:
September 11th taught us some important lessons.

The terrorists are determined to spread their fear and chaos and violence throughout the civilized world.

We are in a different kind of war against a different kind of enemy.

We’re engaging the enemy in Iraq, that we’re taking the fight to them there.

We spelled out the reasons we went to Iraq, and I would encourage you to go back and look at that.

We’re not going to re-litigate the reasons why we went into Iraq.

We’ve made very clear what the reasons were.

Because it is critical to prevailing in the broader war on terrorism.

Our arguments are very public. You can go and look at what the arguments were.

I’m not going to get into talking about specific intelligence matters that help prevent attacks from happening and help save lives.

Ken Doll Mehlman:
[Dean] predicted that America would lose a war we were engaged in…

John Kerry talked about American troops engaged in terroristic and other activity…

We’ve already seen Nancy Pelosi embrace a retreat and defeat strategy…

You have the Democratic nominee in ’04, Democratic national chairman, lead Democrat in the House… [hating America and the troops].

Here’s why a time frame is a mistake… [snip] Imagine if we had said to Hitler in 1942 that in 2 years we’re going to pull out of Europe. Hitler … would not have ended his war. Hitler would not have surrendered. Germany would not have surrendered.

Iraqis increasingly understand and believe that … their country is heading in the right, not the wrong, direction. They’re optimistic about the future in a way they haven’t been…

Over and out.

The latest Republican talking points

Somebody heaved a bulky manila envelope through the frosted glass doors of The Department of How Stupid Do They Think We Are? Of course, since that Department is always closed they had no choice, so, like good liberals, we were not angry, and when we got done sweeping up the glass and installing the plywood, we opened the envelope and found ourselves perusing the latest email from Ken Mehlman—just in time for the SOTU. We’ve excerpted and highlighted the really good parts for your innoculating pleasure. Now, watch them propagate!

After September 11th, we heard so often that our government failed to connect the dots. So, the President signed the Patriot Act, which had been passed overwhelmingly by Congress. He took appropriate action to connect the dots. He reformed the government bureaucracy, enabling it to fight a different kind of war.

Thanks for the opportunity to serve, Mr. President!

How do Democrats respond? They play politics, brag about “killing” the Patriot Act, and accuse the President of breaking the law and violating civil rights. These are not the actions of a party that can be trusted to safeguard our national security.

We trust you, Mr. President!

So get ready for one of the most convincing documentaries since, well, since ever. Watch this exposé showing “Harry Reid and the Democrats [and] their attempts to weaken the PATRIOT Act, an essential tool in America’s arsenal to fight the War on Terror.”

Thanks for the key “bullet” point, Mr. President!

•”CHARGED 401 INDIVIDUALS WITH CRIMES IN TERRORISM RELATED ACTIVITIES”

For some reason they don’t mention how many convictions they’ve gotten.

Today's Republican talking points

Somebody threw a brown envelope over the transom of the Department of Keeping Track in the Mighty Corrente Building. After we fished it out of the bucket of water and opened it, we read what follows. Looks like somebody’s been spending time at GOP.com:

Shorter “Senator Sieve”:

Harry Reid said he heard rumors Osama was dead. Only Bush gets to say when he’s dead. Besides, if he’s wrong, he boosts enemy morale. Or something. And we’re still pissed about that special session thingy.

Shorter “Our Troops Must Stay,” by Jomentum.

Real progress.
Only 10,000 terrorists.
If they win, they’ll strike us directly again.
Democrats focussing on the past disappoint me.
We have a good plan: train Iraqi military.

Yes. Featured news item #2 on the GOP.com website is Joe’s Journal article.

Shorter “Alito Rules”:

He’s a lock on credentials, so the shameless Dems will try a smear campaign.

Order your People of the Lie Wall Calendar.