Once again, a repost, in honor of Delay stepping down from his leadership post. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer fascist.
I’m going to repost this, tweaked with suggestions from alert readers, in honor of Tom “Don’t Call Me Frenchy!” DéLay’s second very special day.
In honor of The Hammer’s very, very special day we present the following recipe for Pork Delay.
1. Procure one well-fatted Republican.
2. Remove the suit, the forked tongue, and the heart. Set aside the heart in case Dick Cheney changes his mind.
3. Wash the inner cavity of the Republican, then stuff with golf balls. Close and truss.
4. Steep the carcass in corruption until tender or indicted, whichever comes first.
5. Secure the Republican to the rotating spit device. Adjust the amount of spin as needed.
6. Place an oilpan beneath the Republican to catch the drippings.
7. While the Republican is turning, prepare the Orange Jumpsuit sauce.
7. When juice runs clear, remove the Republican from heat.
8. Slice the Republican into wedges.
9. Arrange wedges on a bed of shredded lettuce and garnish with the testicles of centrists. Drizzle with Orange Jumpsuit sauce.
10. Serve under the Capitol Dome.
NOTE Sorry, Vegans! Readers, can you improve on this recipe?
You will need:
A six-to-nine pound untrimmed beef brisket
Two bottles of Claude’s Brisket Marinade OR
2 lb good honey
4 oz liquid mesquite smoke
6 oz soy sauce
4 oz roasted minced garlic
12 oz fresh lime juice
4 oz canned chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
4 oz fresh ginger juice
Put above ingredients in blender and puree until very smooth. Do not strain.
coarse black pepper
salt
thick slices sweet onion
Indoor method: Marinate meat overnight in sauce. Drain, reserving marinade. Put meat in crock pot, fat side up, on enough thick slices of sweet onion to cover bottom of crock (or, lacking a crock pot, bottom of a foil-lined turkey roaster set over two burners at medium-low flame). Bring reserved marinade to a full rolling boil for five minutes; pour half over meat. Cover and set crock pot to high for 30 minutes; reduce heat to low (or turn burners down to lowest sustainable flame) and let cook 6 to 10 hours. Turn meat fat-side-down; bring marinade back to a boil and pour over meat, then cover and let cook another hour on low heat.
Outdoor method: Omit liquid smoke and onion slices; marinate as before and cook brisket, fat-side-up, via indirect heat from mesquite fire or in smoke from mesquite chips on gas grill set to 275 degrees F. for 12-15 hours.
Lift meat off fat; discard fat, shred meat with fork.
Serve with second batch of sauce boiled to reduce by half.
Good with beans, cole slaw, potato salad, and either cornbread or sourdough biscuits.
Cornbread:
Boil 2 cups water with 1/2 teaspoon salt; pour in 2 cups stoneground corn meal and stir constantly until thickened.
Beat in 1 egg, 1 cup buttermilk, 1 cup flour and 1 tablespoon baking powder. Turn into 8x8 pan and bake at 350 degrees F for 20 minutes or until toothpick stuck in center comes back clean. Slice in squares, split open and stuff with butter while hot.
Potato salad:
5 lbs new potatoes, scrubbed and quartered
Water to cover
Put potatoes in cold water in large stewer. Bring to full boil; reduce heat to simmer and cook 30 minutes. Meanwhile prepare:
3 large cucumbers, peeled, seeded and diced
12 stems rosemary, finely chopped
1/3 cup parsley, finely chopped
18 mint leaves, minced
18 sage leaves, julienned
6 stems fresh thyme, finely chopped
1 small red onion, minced (or 2 large shallots)
and
Mix 2 envelopes ranch dressing mix with:
generous pinch mustard powder
generous pinch chipotle chile powder
1/2 pint sour cream
1/2 pint buttermilk
1 pint good mayonnaise
Mix well and chill thoroughly.
Drain potatoes well. Put into large serving bowl. Add cucumbers, rosemary, parsley, mint, sage, thyme, and onion; toss together well. Chill 30 minutes. Add chilled dressing and serve immediately.
Beans:
Large can red kidney beans, rinsed and drained
Large can pinto beans, rinsed and drained
Medium can black beans, rinsed and drained
In heavy stewer, melt 2 tablespoons bacon grease. Saute 1 finely minced onion and 1 small seeded finely minced serrano chile pepper until onion turns clear; add 1 cup seeded pureed tomatoes, 1 teaspoon salt and 1 tablespoon coarse black pepper, pinch of dry mustard, pinch of nutmeg and 6 oz real bacon bits. Pour in beans, bring to a simmer and cook 15 minutes to heat through. Serve hot.
This meal will feed five to six hungry persons.
Goes well with sweet ice tea and blackberry cobbler.
Sweet tea:
Boil a pint of water and add a cup of sugar. Stir until sugar is all dissolved (simple syrup). Boil one gallon water and steep five family-size teabags 10 minutes in hot water. Strain. Stir in simple syrup and serve over ice.
If you can’t make scratch cobbler try this:
Buy a loaf of pound cake at your bakery.
In a saucepan melt a 12 oz jar of seedless blackberry jam with two tablespoons of butter and a half-teaspoon of good vanilla extract.
Slice the pound cake in half lengthwise. Crumble half of it into the bottom of a casserole. Pour the blackberry mixture over this. Crumble the 2nd half on top of that and pour a tablespoon of butter melted with a dash of vanilla and two tablespoons of honey over that. Toast under a broiler and serve with whipped cream or ice cream.