Bush: I'm a lumberjack?

Have you heard about the curious incident of the international agreement that did not bark in the nighttime?

Yes, I'm talking about the Softwood Lumber Agreement, whose "meritorious initiatives" were to be determined today--All $450 million smackeroos of meritoriousness. But the dog didn't bark. No announcement.

I know, I know. Meritorious, WTF? [Yawn] ""Softwood Lumber Agreement"? Honestly, MEGO (My Eyes Glaze Over). B-o-r-i-n-g.

But that's what they're counting on, you fools! Some may find $450 million dull, dull, dull. Even if it's a $450 million slush fund controlled by the Bush administration. Personally, I don't. Nor should any progressive, on either side of the border.

For those who came in late, the Softwood Lumber Agreement:

1. Sets aside $450 million for “meritorious initiatives.”

2. The nature of “meritorious initiatives" is not specified, and is therefore up to Bush.

3. How Bush spends of the $450 million is not subject to Congressional oversight.

4. No qualifications of any kind are required for the members of the board that will implement the SLA and disburse the $450 million, so Bush can appoint anybody he wants.

5. The beneficiaries for the “meritorious initiatives" are to be listed by September 1 (tomorrow today).

6. The mechanics for disbursing the $450 million may already be in place, and any cash flow problems could be solved by a compliant banker, so Bush can use the money now.

Can you say "slush fund"? I thought you could. (And the Canadians already have.)

Now, if you've been asking yourself what a cornered and desperate Republican administration that will do anything, anything at all to win would consider "meritorious" in an election year... Well, you're thinking like I do.

What's more, the text of the SLA explicitly states that the list of "meritorious initiatives" must be "determined" September 1: today.

But the list hasn't been published. Not on Google or Yahoo (regular and news, US and Canada), Reuters, Bloomberg, whitehouse.gov, www.commerce.gov, or PR Newswire.

Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. But why?

Remember, the original example of a "meritorious initiative" Katrina reconstruction. So, you'd think the Bush administration would do everything possible to end their Katrina public relations nightmare by making half a billion dollars available to the citizens of New Orleans. But apparently not.

So, why hasn't the list been published?

1. They forgot. $450 million, they forgot?

2. They don't want to tell anybody where the $450 million is going.

Call me crazy, but I'll pick door #2. In fact, the text of agreement could support them: It states that "initiatives" must be "determined." It doesn't say that they must be "published."

Now, why would the Bush administration not want to publish them? Typically, when the administration wants to hide a document dump, they do the dump on Friday at 5:00, and Friday at 5:00 on a three day weekend would be especially auspicious for a really odiferous dump. But nothing.

I don't know. But I'd like to know, and maybe you would, too. One of the many government institutions that I support through my taxes is the US Commerce Department. They would know. Here's the address:

Designated Monitoring Officer –
U.S. -Canada Softwood Lumber Agreement
Office of NAFTA and Inter-American Affairs
Room 3022
U.S. Department of Commerce
14th Street & Constitution Avenue, N.W.
Washington, D.C. 20230
Phone: (202) 482 - 0390
Fax: (202) 482 - 5865

I think I'll call them on Monday Tuesday. I'm sure I'll hardly be able to sleep for the excitement...

UPDATE Here's an interesting site all about:

[The] North American Competitiveness Council (NACC), an apparently extra-constitutional advisory group organized by the Department of Commerce (DOC) under the auspices of the Security and Prosperity Partnership (SPP).

For those who like foil... And eighteen-lane superhighways rammed through Texas... This looks like a "meritorious iniative." Just guessing, though.