Empathic Relationship Building 101
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I went to a post office this week near where I now live in Portland, Oregon. There were two clerks working, and no one was ahead of me. Soon, another customer queued behind me. One of the clerks, upon finishing a transaction, put up a "next window, please" sign, then quickly turned and walked away. Perhaps because the clerk never even looked up before leaving, the customer behind me muttered 'great. can you believe this stuff?'
My thoughts were 'yes, I can believe this. i've been to many a post office in my day, boy howdy.' But I've joined the ranks of paganistic non-dualists and therefore, since it's only another version of "the us who is one" behind the counter, I chose to think about what to say to the (female) customer behind me. And I said "I think maybe we should all work for six months at a post office, just so we could know what it's like. Any longer and we might, you know, go postal.' The woman smiled back at me, without nodding.
Now here's my goddamn lecture: If we think of the post office as "other" then we judge it and those who work there with critical ire, which furthers the distance between us, cementing the illusion of otherness. If we think of it (in this case the post office employee) as "us" then we try to communicate more humanely--not easily done, as we are pressured for time, beleaguered as a people and a culture. It is easier to be miffed by the "slings and arrows" than it is to love/identify with the "other." A suggestion: if you get Cold Service, respond with warmth (this is not the same as accepting abuse--like pornography, you know it when you see it). Respond with warmth, and melt the cold that you would have made your own.
p.s. After the sole remaining clerk was ready for my presence I walked up and asked how she was doing, and smiled as I did so. I was saying something that we usually expect to hear from whoever is being paid to put up with us. The clerk smiled back, I bought stamps. Utterly painless. The dirty little chain of animus was busted, if only for a time.
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image by mjs, who is really just you in another form...
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Comments
There is hope
Keep it up.
former service worker piping in
actually, i'm still a "service" worker, but nevermind that right now.
yes. you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, or however that goes. it's a simple rule, and if you are a consumer/customer, keep it in mind. why?
because service people live, and i do mean that, to fuck with you. don't think your life isn't made harder because you are snobby and look down on the taco bell window worker. she'll spit in your taco. she's not alone. everyone has seen "fight club," right? well, that's closer to truth than fiction. pissing off service people = pissing in the soup you're about to consume. i can't stress this enough.
actually, i can. there's an oral history narrative in the black community, and if i were a better scholar i'd give you a link, but i can tell you anecdotally that it's true. in the slave days, slaves had no real power, except with their charges. which, given the laziness of slave-owners, included the white children of the owners. this is shocking to say, but it wasn't uncommon: nurses of those children took revenge on their owners by pressing nails and long, sharp objects into the infant heads. the logic goes like this: "you sold my husband and children because you lost money gambling. i will take my revenge thusly, you fool."
i'm going tangential, but i'm trying to make the point that it's really imporant and sensible to treat your Slaves well. and we're all slaves, aren't we? few of us cannot work and still pay for our homes, the food we eat, etc. and few of us like putting up with people who seem to exist, to make our jobs more difficult. and so we act on that discomfort. or rather, some of us do, and some of us know it.
bottom line: it's OK to be pissed over bad service. but i'm telling you true: as a former bartender, waitress, service manager type, there's only one way that i know to make it better. motivation borne of a good customer telling you something nice, ("i really like this shop! you have such quality X.") you work, and act, and improve, for such people. the people who bitch?
totally ignore and forgotten. unless your job is on the line, the whole point of working "for" such people is to mock, reject, and confuse such folk. or at least, that is my experience in the "service" economy. and i'm a nice person. think of what the 20somethings who hate you act and feel.
Zero sum lives
I spent many years in the service industry (like cd I have worked as a waiter and then as a bartender) and found that generally speaking, if we agree to get along, then we get along. If that equation proved to be too baffling to a customer, a brief tutorial on etiquette often ensued. Caveat: never piss off the bartender, unless you desire solitude. Just because one works for a living doesn't mean one has to eat merde.
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Great post
I notice so often people who have a sense of entitlement when it comes to service. They treat service workers like they are obligated to deliver a flawless experience each and every time to them. The experience is dual, you both create it.
I love my post office, years ago the post master put up numbers. So, you get your numbers and can sit, chat and just enjoy it. When Bush got elected they past a directive, no Post Office could have a different system. So they eliminated the numbers. Needles to say we started a letter campaign. Within three months the numbers were back.
As a past and future public servant, let me reiterate
you get what you give.
A grin, a turn of phrase, a "what can you do?" and a shrug are all better than a snarl.
A "hope your day gets better" surprises most people pleasantly. Makes life a little easier on the next poor SOB in line, and costs nada. So why not?