Friiiday. Bad week for me. And funnily enough, I wasn't even thinking about money when I said that.
Please post jokes.
Why do we have elections?
Because Monopoly with real money gets boring.
Because junior high is too short.
Because there's only so many people you can hurt with religion.
To check the census.
Because how many other booths can you leap out of and save the world?!
(please don't try this at your own polling place; caped crusader collusions can turn to violence.)
Because otherwise we'd know we have no choice.
To keep us in practice filling out those little oval bubbles. Otherwise we might forget between the SATs and the Social Security forms.
So the Village
can blame us.
What else can be stolen so cheaply anymore?
Because shop early, shop often isn't funny.
To uphold our (un)Constitutional right to vote. (Republic joke.)
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Q: What is the capital of Iceland?
A: About $3.50
---------------
We can't afford not to have single-payer!
Q: What is "Shanghai, Mumbai...
....Dubai or good-bye"?
A: What they now tell young people who say they want a career on Wall Street.
#1. I heard it on TV from the floor of the stock exchange, but it's more like classic burlesque.
#2. I laughed out loud, but it may have been the dry delivery and surprise of humor to be found in such an unlikely environment.
#3. I can see some people wouldn't find it funny. But I hope you do.
How come people who work on Wall Street
can't add?
Can't add? Who has 700 billion of your money?
What does it mean when your company loses money on Wall Street?
Your bonus is paid by Congress.
Why do they call Hank Paulson the Secretary of the Treasury?
Because Dispenser of Taxpayer Money sounds like a slot machine.
What's the difference between Wall Street and a fixed game in Los Vegas?
2000 miles?
Why is the government giving away money to Wall Street traders?
Because the poor are inheriting the earth. It's only fair...
Why do they call those accounts 401Ks?
Because Wall Street and your money are all 4 for 1, 'kay?
Didja hear what they named the new roller coaster?
The Stock Market. There's this one great place that makes people scream--they call it the Dow Plunge.
LOL on
the religion one. FTW!
Q: What did the Blond say was the Capital of California?
A: "C"
ba-dum-dum, {{ching!}}
Thanks, I'll be here all week.
Come together at The Confluence
Come together at The Confluence
Did you hear there’s a
Did you hear there's a new line of suits for stock brokers?
The pants come with holes already in the pockets.
I've never understood the stock market.
I just didn't realize the banks didn't either.
I tried to get $20 out of my bank's ATM machine yesterday.
But all I could get was stock in Goldman Sachs.
They've changed the name of Goldman Sachs.
It's now Sachs and Ashes.
Then there's visual humor ...
like this (h/t to Anglachel for the highly indirect link):
We can admit that we’re killers … but we’re not going to kill today. That’s all it takes! Knowing that we’re not going to kill today! ~ Captain James T. Kirk, Stardate 3193.0
1 John 4:18
We can admit that we’re killers … but we’re not going to kill today. That’s all it takes! ~ Captain James T. Kirk, Stardate 3193.0
1 John 4:18
Why are they called stock
Why are they called stock brokers?
What else do you want to call them after the last two weeks?
I thought retirement funds meant I'd have money to live on when I was older.
Not that it would end up being enough to re-tire my car.
Did you hear about the Lollipop Company that went out of business on Wall Street?
Yeah, everybody's a sucker now.
You heard about that show
You heard about that show Numbers?
They're cancelling it so the entire staff can fictionally help Hank Paulson.
They're re-vamping the plot so the rest of the season is an attempt to find the missing trillion dollars from Wall Street.
I went to the Lost and Found at Wall Street yesterday.
They had a big pile of money they kept passing back and forth.
I have an idea. How about all the people who made the problem worse on Wall Street trade houses with the first time sub-prime mortgage home buyers? Then Wall Street would be sure to support buying up the mortgages.
Good thing we're not putting too much money into Social Security. Now that the government and the free market are working together, we have to support the Golden Paratroopers of Wall Street.
Conservatives are the gold standard in this country. They endorse Obama, that's a big hoo-ha. Conservatives for Obama? You know that spells? CFO. Yeah. Chief Financial Officer.
Tap tap.
Who's there?
Tap tap.
Who's there?
Tap tap.
Who's there?
Me, but I'm all tapped out.
Why did the stock broker
Why did the stock broker cross the road?
To hide in the Bushes.
Why did the taxpayer cross the road?
He saw the Treasury coming.
Wouldn't it just have been cheaper to pave Wall Street in gold?
Why do they call it Health Care?
Shouldn't it be Money Care?
I understand why the health insurance companies pay you less for an injury if you let yourself get hit with a ball at a game.
You're responsible for the deductible.
Muscial joke? Parody of Flash Dance: Crash Dance!
CRASH DANCE - song parody from versusplus.com on THE NATIONAL DEBT CEILING
Pretty well done!
Via commenter annie at Moon of AL.