you have different fingers.

(--more from S.W.)

the secret of antigravity

BTW I loved this from the end of the Wright interview:

Q: By the way, was there anything you wanted to talk about?

A: I would just like to say that I think the universe is underrated. I think the galaxy - people don't pay attention enough to the galaxy and the rest of the universe. Humans are obsessed with the Earth. And I think that's narrow-minded. Are you taping this?

Q: Absolutely

A: Yeah, yeah, because I want that exact wording to be correct.

A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, "A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits." He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ..."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/stage/2005/sep...

(People sometimes think when I write Ha ha ha ha I'm kidding.)

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science--fiction.

(--S.W.)

I can't believe Emo Phillips wrote that other joke at the link--the best religious joke ever?!!

My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said, "the whole time."
--S.W

The other day somebody stole everything in my apartment and replaced it with an exact replica... When my roommate came home I said, "Roommate, someone stole everything in our apartment and replaced it with an exact replica." He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?"

--S.W.

Thanks for the jokes and joke research, Vast and A little night (what are you called for short?)

I was dubbed ALNM (or alnm) and it kind of stuck...

I said, "Yes, but not right now."

Curiosity killed the cat...but for a while I was a suspect.

--S.W.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.

--S.W.

The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... With a pricing gun... She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

--S.W.

I wanted to know what I had, so I got rid of everything.

--S.W.

One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab. The movie cost me $95.

Last time I went to the movies I was thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous. Besides, I haven't had a Bar-B-Que in a long time.

--S.W.

I have a map of the United States... Actual size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer folding it. I also have a full-size map of the world. I hardly ever unroll it. People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".

Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

Sometimes I... No, I don't.

--S.W.

has hilarious albums...just saying because looking at all these jokes--he's so funny and quite the original...which no doubt he would say something hilarious about...

Today I... No, that wasn't me.

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.--S.W.

I didn't really lose it, I know where it is.

But when I go there, somebody else is doing it.

S.W.

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“But hysteria is all the rage these days, I guess” - gqm

Back in a while...feel free to write up a storm and tell some jokes...we like good jokes, bad jokes, political, puns, you name it...

Also, Cake Wrecks will make you laugh...
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/search?up...

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension--S.W.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

--S.W.

Good one, myiq.

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.

--S.W.

on the other side of the ice.

I plan to live forever - so far, so good.

(S.W.)

I went down to the store and bought some blank cassette tapes. When I got home I put one in my cassette deck and turned it up full blast. I was walking around my house when I heard a knock on my door. It was my neighbor complaining about the noise... He's a mime.

--S.W.

It's so funny, he just goes "so far...so good" with his voice getting deeper.

His delivery is so good. Everyone's seen him yes? Or do we need a few links?

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... Perhaps you've seen it.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

--S.W.

But I'm scared of widths....

--S.W.

[ ] Very tepidly voting for Obama [ ] ?????. [ ] Any mullah-sucking billionaire-teabagging torture-loving pus-encrusted spawn of Cthulhu, bless his (R) heart.

It's even funnier now because I have a condition which could actually kill me at any instant (although at the moment, the probability is very small, but finite and increasing).

So far, so good :)

Hey be as well as possible okay?

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said "Help Wanted." There was another sign below it that said "Self Service." So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

I used to be a waiter, but I was fired for clearing tables. I was clearing them for take off. I had them all lined up outside. People thought it was an outdoor cafe. I said, "No, these are leaving at 3." They were going to fire me anyway, because I told them I thought they should put the wrapper on the inside of the straw since that's the part you don't want to get dirty.

--S.W.

My grandfather invented Cliff Notes. It all started back in 1912... Well, to make a long story short...

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

--S.W.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

You know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself? That's how I feel all the time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

--S.W.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.

--S.W.

because I couldn't find my socks.

They told me to look behind the couch.

They were right.

-SW

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“But hysteria is all the rage these days, I guess” - gqm