I was biden' my time, 'till it started palin' on me.

Rocky Road, take me home...

"The GOP candidates are still sniping at each other. You've been following this? Romney wants Huckabee to quit. Some think McCain is too liberal. Others think Romney is too conservative. Remember the good old days when the Republican Party was united against the poor? What happened?" --Jay Leno

"According to Washington insiders, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan could be the next official to leave the Bush administration. McClellan says he'd like to spend more time lying for his family" --Amy Poehler

"Bush's overall approval ratings have hit an all-time low ... If Bush's numbers don't improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency." --Tina Fey

"Last week, the city of Boston sparked controversy when it renamed the giant spruce tree in Boston Common a holiday tree instead of a Christmas tree. Also, the city's nativity scene will now be referred to as the Holiday Homeless Family." --Tina Fey

"Stocks plunged again Friday, suffering their worst day since 2005 and third-straight triple-digit loss for the Dow Jones Industrial average. On the bright side, your Social Security money isn't in there yet." --Amy Poehler

"Last week, Hurricane Wilma grew into the strongest storm ever recorded in the Atlantic, with sustained winds at 175 miles per hour. Or, as it's called around FEMA, casual friday." --Tina Fey

Ex-Monty Python Michael Palin for veep?
Pundits debate pros, cons of McCain's choice
John McCain's surprise choice of British comedian Michael Palin for his running mate stirred controversy among Democrats and Republicans.

"It doesn't make sense," said one GOP strategist. "John Cleese or Eric Idle would have had better name recognition....

"But McCain advisers say Palin's...lumberjack song could appeal to working-class voters.

Palin said he was shocked by the harsh criticism. "I didn't expect this kind of Spanish Inquisition," he told the BBC.

Copyright © 2008 Roy Rivenburg http://www.notthelatimes.com/palin.html

“Bush’s overall approval ratings have hit an all-time low … If Bush’s numbers don’t improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency.” —Tina Fey

Do NOT put the country through that.

Funny as a rubber crutch on Good Friday afternoon in the cold hard rain, that joke.

you cross a chicken and a cement mixer?

A brick-layer.

The chicken told me she was a joker but how was I to know she was a real comedi-hen?

-Watch out for the vacuum cleaner!
-What vacuuuuuuuuuuu.......

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don't work.

What is green, has 6 legs and will kill you if it falls from a tree?

A pool table.

Hooot-dun-its.

Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To get to the other side.

http://www.lifeisajoke.com/college13_htm...

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

...
9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

...
13. Be more or less specific.

...

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

guillotine, a lawyer, a priest and an engineer. The lawyer was first but the guillotine didn't work. She threatened to sue for unnecessary pain and suffering, so they let her go.
Then it was the priest's turn but again, the guillotine didn't work. The priest said it was the work of God, so they let him go.
The last was the engineer. The guillotine doesn't work for the third time. The engineer says, "Hey, wait. I think I see your problem."

when a mime is knocking on your door?

but it has a side effect of making you dull?
Yeah, it's called Prosaic.

The yellow rows of taxis.

old-fashioned knocker over the door bell?
Yeah, they give out no-bells prizes.

(read aloud with pirate accent:)
Those pirate earrings cost a lot?
Nahhh, buccaneer!

If you write with your right hand and your dog writes with his left hand, what do you call your dog?
A southpaw.

“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’”
“That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
"Well, It’s Not Unusual.”

DejaMoo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

I went to buy some camouflage pants the other day but I couldn’t find any.

read aloud:
What do you call a fish with no i's? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, ”Dam!”

Two friends sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have
your kayak and heat it too.

"earlier tonight, i don't know if you saw it, sarah palin gave a tremendous speech to the republicans, though some are claiming it was actually her daughter's speech." --david letterman

: >

A non-sexist Palin joke! (It is non-sexist right?) Thanks amberglow!!

I have not been able to find very many jokes about McCain that are not about his age--except the dozen or so run here--or jokes about Palin that are not sexist--again, the few found run here...what's up with that?

Sorry to freak you out Sarah--I tried to find a lame duck joke to run for you but could only find a "the Chinese served Bush Lame Peking Duck" joke.

And thanks to hipparchia too.