and says, "hey, look at me! I'm a talking dog! That's worth a free drink, ain't it?"

The bartender says: "It sure is! The toilets are around the corner."

needed a break so he asked Jesus to take over the Pearly Gates. "Just ask their name, check and make sure they're in the Book of Life, and then you can let them in."

Jesus says okay.

So up comes a very old guy, and Jesus asks him his name.

The very old guy says,"I can't remember."

So Jesus says, "Well, where are you from?"

The very old guy says, "I can't remember. The only thing I can remember was that I had a son I loved very much who became known and beloved all over the world."

Jesus starts to get a tear in his eye, and he says, "Father?"

The very old guy says, "Pinocchio?"

A math professor, an accountant and an economist all apply for the same job. The interviewer calls them in one by one and asks the math professor, "What's 2+2?"
The math professor says, "4! Of course!"
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant, and asks, "What's 2+2?" The accountant says, "Well, within 10%, 4--could be plus or minus 10%--but right around 4." Then the interviewer calls in the economist and asks, "What's 2+2?" The economist closes the door, pulls down the shade, sits down right next to the interviewer, and says, "What do you want it to equal?"

No, Hanky Panky!

--via Krugman

between an economist and a patient with amnesia who can't understand every day life?
The economist has a calculator.

[ ] Very tepidly voting for Obama [ ] ?????. [ ] Any mullah-sucking billionaire-teabagging torture-loving pus-encrusted spawn of Cthulhu, bless his (R) heart.

"Come now, pull yourself together."

"Relax! You're too tense!"

[ ] Very tepidly voting for Obama [ ] ?????. [ ] Any mullah-sucking billionaire-teabagging torture-loving pus-encrusted spawn of Cthulhu, bless his (R) heart.

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969."

The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."

I love this job!

"Hello, Fire Department?"

"Yes."

"My house is on fire! Come right away!"

"Okay, how do we get to your house?"

"You don't have those big red trucks anymore?"

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sha...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kbSbUiwP...

I've always had trouble keeping a job. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. Then I worked as a lumberjack but couldn't hack it--so they gave me the ax. I tried to work at a delicatessen but any way I sliced it, I just couldn't cut the mustard. I studied for a long time to become a doctor, but didn't have any patience. I even tried a job at a muffler shop but it was just too exhausting. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as an historian--until I realized there was no future in it. So I tried retirement and found I was perfect for the job--Herm Albright