Where do you take a sick duck?
To the ducktor.

Where does the catcher sit for dinner?
Behind the plate.

Where do books sleep?
Under their covers.

What do leaves name their kids?
Russell.

Why was the kid staring at the radio in the auto?
She wanted to see car tunes!

Why was the book in traction in the hospital?
His spine was broken.

What did the hamburger name her daughter?
Patty.

Why are books good detectives?
Because they are always undercover.

Heard at the Wharton School.

Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away.

"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank," says the shepherd. "Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"

"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."

Two economists were walking down the street when they noticed two women yelling across the street at each other from their apartment windows.

"Of course they will never come to agreement," said the first economist.

"Why is that?" asked the second economist."

"Because they are arguing from different premises."

Q: How many Wharton MBAs does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, if you hire me. I can actually change the light bulb by myself. As you can see from my resume, I've had extensive experience changing light bulbs in my previous positions. I've also been named to the Wharton Light Bulb list, and am presently a teaching assistant for Light Bulb Management 666. My only weakness is that I'm compulsive about changing light bulbs in my spare time.

Q: How many doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about 5 years.

Q: How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - the market has already discounted the change.

I'm diversifying into canned goods.

No, wait: Mad Max videos, for research purposes.

"I would like to introduce my eminent colleague and friend. He's an economist, one of those people who turn random numbers into mathematical laws."
The economist, not to be outdone, replies,
"My friend, here, is a marketer. They reverse the process."

Two economists hate the cafeteria vegetables.
Experienced economist: "If you eat my vegetables I'll give you $20,000!"
Not so experienced economist runs his optimization problem and figures out he's better off eating them so he does and collects money.
The next meal they have more vegetables.
Not so experienced economist: "Now, if YOU eat these I'll give YOU $20,000."
After evaluating the proposal experienced economist eats vegetables getting the money.
They go on. Not so experienced economist starts thinking: "Listen, we both have the same amount of money we had before, but we both ate vegetables we didn't want. I don't see us being better off."
Experienced economist: "Well, that's true, but you overlooked the fact that we've been just involved in $40,000 of trade."

all econ jokes above adapted from or passed on from http://netec.mcc.ac.uk/JokEc.html

Seven habits that help produce the anything-but-efficient markets that rule the world by Paul Krugman in Fortune.

1. Think short term.
2. Be greedy.
3. Believe in the greater fool.
4. Run with the herd.
5. Overgeneralize.
6. Be trendy.
7. Play with other people's money.

the other day that's been making the rounds at trading desks:

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.

Sounds about right.

a family physician (GP), a surgeon, and a pathologist go duck hunting. A bird flies over, the family physician raises her shotgun, but doesn't fire. "I'm not sure that was a duck," she says. "I think I need a second opinion."

Another bird flies over - the surgeon raises his shotgun and blows it out of the sky. He turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was duck."

and isn't completely sure Guenivere will be faithful, so he asks Merlin to design a chastity belt. A week or so later, Merlin brings in his design to show the King.

"What's this?" asks Arthur, "There's a big hole exactly where there shouldn't be. This thing'll never work."

Merlin takes a wand, inserts it in the hole, and a blade instantly shoots past and slices the wand in two. Arthur is impressed.

Months later, when he's returned from the quest, Arthur assembles his knights and has them drop their drawers for short arms inspection. Every knight is nicked, scratched, or badly mutilated, except for Sir Lancelot.

"Well done, Lancelot," says Arthur. "What can I grant you as a reward for your faithfulness?"

Sir Lancelot was speechless.

A Mathematician and a Wall Street Broker

A mathematician and a Wall street broker went to races. The broker suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. The mathematician was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the mathematician.
"You are too theoretical," he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money.

Triumphantly, he exclaimed, "I told you, I knew the secret!"

"What is your secret?" the mathematician asked.

"It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine."

"But, three and five is eight," the mathematician protested.

"I told you, you are too theoretical!" the broker replied, "Haven't I just shown experimentally, that my calculation is correct! 3+5=9!"

from basicjokes.com

"You know, you see a lot of these financial experts on the news the last couple of weeks. And isn’t the very fact they’re in this mess proof there’s no such thing as a financial expert? Huh, huh? Anyway, the good news, Secretary Treasurer Henry Paulson called for calm today. The bad news, he made the call from the Cayman Islands." --Jay Leno

"Tonight's presidential debate took place in Nashville, Tennessee, which is perfect, 'cause the economy right now is kind of like a bad country song, isn't it? 'I lost my girl, I lost the house, the dog died, the trailer's gone.'" --Jay Leno

"Tonight's presidential debate was actually what they called town hall style, which means instead of ignoring the moderator's questions, the candidates can ignore the voters directly..." --Jay Leno

"With all of the excitement of the election, it's easy to forget about President President Bush, because next year, he'll be unemployed and he'll be at that awkward age -- too young to retire, yet too old to decimate another nation's economy." --Jay Leno

"President Bush's response to this economic crisis was to meet with some small business owners at a soda shop in San Antonio, Texas, this week. Well, the bad news? The small business owners are now General Motors, General Electric, and Century 21." --Jay Leno

Q: What's the difference between a pigeon and an investment banker?

A: A pigeon can still put a deposit down on a Ferrari.
-----

Q: What do you call an investment banker who irons five shirts on Sunday night?

A: An optimist.

PB 2.0 - Supplement the wonk!

"I don't know, should we talk about the stock market? Oh my gosh, today, talk about your roller coaster, dropped 800 points. Whoa, so thank you, bailout rescue plan. Thank you very much." --David Letterman

"And as you know, on Friday, Washington passed the big 'Save our CEOs' program. That thing passed." --Jay Leno

"And Richard Fuld, the former CEO of Lehman Brothers was grilled by Congress today. And they made him explain why he took $480 million in compensation, when he knew some shareholders would lose their life savings. Turns out, he had a good reason. Apparently, he is a greedy bastard." --Jay Leno

"And because of guys like him, credit is dried up and you can't get a loan. You can't get a loan, unless you're a company that caused the crisis, oh, then the government will give you a loan. That's no problem. Then they'll bail you out. More true than funny, okay." --Jay Leno

"The price of oil dropped below $90 a barrel today. I guess the oil companies backed off screwing the American public now that the federal government has taken on the job. The government can handle it now, we've screwed them enough." --Jay Leno

"Well, now Europe is trying to put together their own bailout plan. They're trying to save their banks from failing. Hey, say what you want about America, but we're still leading the rest of the world. See what I'm saying? We were bankrupt months before them. They are copying us. We are the leaders in this deal." --Jay Leno

All the Jay Leno and Dave Letterman jokes from that very funny late night humor resource, www.http://politicalhumor.about.com/libr...
Updated nightly--or daily? often the best jokes from late night and other humor shows, but too many sexist Maher Palin jokes recently--and almost all the McCain jokes are ageist. Good thing all these people making these jokes aren't getting older--wait a minute...

How can you find Ronald McDonald at the beach?
He’s the one with the sesame seed buns!

"Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Smith in Los Angeles."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Smith in Los Angeles," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man."

How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb?
12,001. That's one to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

Do you know what you get when you play a country song backward? You get your job back, you get your house back, your wife back, your truck back...

A contestant was in the final round of a game show.
The host says: "For 1 million dollars, here's a question on American history in two parts. You have to answer them both correctly to win. Usually the second part of the question is easiest. Which part of the question would you like first?"
The contestant thinks and then says, "Well, I'll start slow. Please give the second half of the question first."
The host says, "Okay! Here it is: "And in what year did that happen?""

Hank Paulson found a magic lamp and he rubbed it. A genie appeared and said, "What are your three wishes?"
Hank says, "I wish I had 700 billion dollars I could do anything with."
Poof! The genie says, "Okay."
For wish 2, Hank says, "I wish whatever I did had world-wide impact."
Poof poof! That took a little longer but the genie staggers back and goes okay.
For his third wish, Hank says, "And I want my name to go down in history."
The genie just smiles.
The genie says, "Okay, well, it was easy to get the 700 billion from Congress, and crashing the world wide stock markets will make you go down in history, Mr. Hanky Panky."

warning: has a soundtrack so if you play and want to keep it down, wear headphones. Oh yeah, and do the tissue box.

http://www.eyegas.com/cubiclefreakout/