Okay, so imagine you're running a company. You call four of your employees into your office: Baucus Bill Bob, Stupak Stupidity Sam, Public Option Pete, and Single-Payer Sue.

"Peeps," you say, "I have this problem. The company makes a life-saving product called "Say Aaaaah!," but it's really expensive and it doesn't reach enough people. Also, depending on where the product is distributed and to whom, it isn't always of the highest quality. I want it to reach everyone in the United States, and I want it to be a whole lot cheaper; in fact, I want to save money on production if possible. And, I want to make sure that production standards are consistently high.

Get back to me in a year with your proposed solutions. If I don't like them, you're fired. If I like them, you're promoted!"

A year later, you call them into your office and ask them for their proposals.

Baucus Bill Bob says, " 'Say Aaaah!' is currently produced mostly by middlemen, not the company. We should continue to do it that way, since that production system is perfectly fine. Every American should be forced by the government to buy the case the product comes in, too, which means that every American will have access to 'Say Aaah!' This combination of business savvy and heart will be good for the economy and good for Americans, since 'Say Aaaah!' will save their lives. It's a win-win! Oh, and if they can't afford to pay for the product, people can get a little money from the company to help them out..or, maybe they'll be fined some money. Haven't really decided that yet.

My plan will be really expensive for a while, so we'll have to take a loss for the first four or five years. But by the end of ten years, we'll actually start saving a little money."

Stupak Stupidity Sam says, "I came up with something similar to John's proposal, but I also wanted to make sure that the law respects my religious beliefs. So, I decided that 'Say Aaaah!' should only be available to women if they give up their reproductive rights and let the company decide when and where they go to the doctor, get birth control, or terminate their pregnancies. After all, we can't trust women with control over their own bodies. It's sinful. Hallllelujah!"

Public Option Pete says, "I don't know what you guys are talking about. That wasn't the assignment at all! I think we should start producing more of 'Say Aaah!' ourselves, then offer Americans a choice to buy the product from either us, or these middlemen Bob was talking about. (I don't really like the middlemen, but I guess I can live with them for now.) If they buy from us, the products will be consistently cheaper and of higher quality, so eventually, the middlemen will disappear. Choice and competition are preserved, access to health care is expanded, and the profits from all the buy-ins will keep our balance sheet extremely healthy for the foreseeable future."

You look at Sue, who is shaking her head in disbelief.

"Well, Single-Payer Sue? What about your plan?" you ask.

Sue replies, "My plan is very simple. We already produce a small amount of 'Say Aaaah!'. Why not take over production completely? Who needs the middlemen, anyway? Let's standardize the quality of the product and expand our business nationwide. Sure, it will be expensive at first, but so many more people will be buying the product that we'll recoup our losses quickly, and we'll be producing in such bulk that our production costs will go wayyyyy down. And best of all, nothing in the bill would restrict a woman's right to control her body."

You look at your employees, and realize that the only one who did the assignment was Single-Payer Sue.

What would you do with the rest of the employees?

You'd fire them, just as you said you would. You'd throw their inferior proposals in the trash. And it would be their fault they were fired, because they didn't do the assignment you, their boss, asked them to do.

Duh fucking duh.