People (i.e., me) who rarely watch the late-night jokesters will often tune in right around the half-hour mark to see Letterman's Top Ten list. Like any long-running feature it's tended to get weaker over the years, and the solution is usually to hire new writers. I've got a suggestion for 'em....Juan Cole:

1. Cheney attacked secular Iraq, mistaking it for an ally of Usamah Bin Laden. Cheney attacked Harry Whittington, mistaking him for a small bird.

2. Iraq has been peppered with Cheney's munitions. Whittington has been peppered with Cheney's munitions.

3. Cheney did not have a legal license to hunt quail on the trip that saw Whittingon wounded. Cheney did not have a United Nations license to invade Iraq or reduce it to rubble.

4. Cheney tried to blame Iraq for getting itself invaded by not signalling hard enough that it really did not have weapons of mass destruction. Cheney tried to blame Whittington for getting himself shot by not signalling hard enough that he was not a small bird.

5. Cheney thought Iraq's insurgency was in its last throes nearly a year ago. Cheney was deathly afraid that Whittington might be in his last throes.

6. Whittington thought Cheney as hunting partner would keep him secure. Iraqis thought that after the fall of Saddam, Cheney would make them secure.

7. Cheney gave Whittington a heart attack by shooting him in the heart. Cheney gave Iraqis a heart attack by having them bombed relentlessly.

8. Cheney tried to cover up how bad Whittington's condition was after he shot him. Cheney tried to cover up how bad Iraq's situation is after he had it invaded.

9. Cheney thought Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. Cheney thought Whittington was a small bird.

10. Cheney shot Whittington while hunting in the dark. Cheney invaded Iraq while being in the dark.

Yeah, I know we don't usually swipe entire posts, but hey, when you're talking about an audition, you gotta play the whole thing.

Dr. C!--Don't give up your tenure, but wouldn't a short gig in NYC be fun, and probably pay a lot more to boot? Give it a thought. Have your people call his people. Just send the 10% to CorrenteWireTalentAgency. We love ya, baby.