Wherein Shystee sautee’s a reasoned (and well seasoned) discussion about probability and morality down to a reduction of mildly salty absurdity.

Mr. Shystee: If there is a sliver of a chance of [gaining the magical power to have sex with any hot woman you come across, by getting a spider web tattoo on your face], a five to ten percent chance, you have a moral obligation, I say, to do it.”

Interlocutor: Sounds good, but why would hot women want to sleep with me if I get a spider web tattoo on my face? How does that work?

Mr. Shystee: Women’s subconscious urges are captivated by the spider web archetype. Their psychological reaction causes a physiological reaction: they begin to emit pheromones which in turn “turn on” other females around them, thereby creating an expanding “fecundity zone” around you. Any hot woman in that zone is yours for the taking.

Interlocutor: That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Mr. Shystee: But you admit it’s possible, don’t you? Many knowledgeable and authoritative writers have said this could totally work. Don’t you think it’s worth considering if such a stupendous benefit could result? Wouldn’t it be such an improvement on your current sorry situation? You haven’t gotten laid in ages.

Interlocutor: Are you going to get a spider web tattoo?

Mr. Shystee: Fuck that, dude.

Inspired by the discussion between Tristero and Matt “Warhawk Junior Deluxe Cheeseburger” Yglesias about Iraq.