The outlook for Taliban-infested Pakistan: not so good.

Dear Mr. Bush, here's my citizen's PDB: The time for you and Mr. Cheney to step down is now, because this job requires something you don't possess — competence.

I know you're a baseball guy and all, but the Wee Willie Keeler "Hit 'em where they ain't" strategy doesn't work when it comes to WMDs. Hell, it was an, um, interesting idea to empty our bullpen to destroy a country that didn't have any, but this situation calls for a Joe Torre, not a Grady Little. A David Ortiz, not a Mario Mendoza.

It's time to take one for the team. Because one unstable, nuke-possessing Islamist country can ruin your whole day. And you two gentlemen — and I mean this in the nicest possible way — are complete fuck-ups. As Joe Walsh sang in the Nixon era: "time to change the batter."