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Live From AEI: Holy Joe and St. McCain Say "Surge!"

chicago dyke's picture

[Reposting because I want to remind you: McCain lacks virility, self-confidence, needs to be succored by women decades younger than himself, and he has no fucking idea what he's talking about when it comes to Iraq. Titter, GOS front paged this one, way back in the day when we were all about crushing Republicans, and not each other.]

Just got back from AEI, and boy, they really need air conditioning! No, really- by the end of the chat I and everyone else in the room were about to fall over from heat exhaustion. I wonder if Joe always has that effect...
But seriously, I suppose you want to know what happened. Well, the good news is...Joe and John made friends in Iraq! They talked to happy, fluffy people who said things are going great and we're winning and can win and that they want to stay. In fact, things are so good over there, Joe and John told us, that we should send more troops over to join in the fun!

The Surge is on. I have about 12 pages of notes, but here's all I'm going to subject you to.

1. We aren't winning enough (they couldn't bring themselves to say "losing") because of the naughty, feckless generals who misinterpreted Bush's brilliant strategy thus far. But Casey and the others are on the way out, and the new guy, Petreus (sp?), is a "proven anti-insurgency" fighter with winning tactics. He's going to get back to the plan, which John and Joe both told us they'd been avocating all along, and we're going to surge to victory.

2. The surge will be sustained for at least 2 years. Timelines embolden the Enemy, and so we shouldn't set one for withdrawl. We've got to stay as long as it takes to "finish the mission."

3. The mission is "security," followed by a return to the civil process of government, and supported by economic aid which will give all those naughty insurgents something better to do than shoot at each other and our troops. More money also needs to be spent on reconstruction. Lots more.

4. It seems our naughty generals haven't been doing anything to promote security in Iraq all these long years. But that's going to change, darnit! Now, instead of playing cards and square dancing, our troops are going to get serious about bringing peace to Iraq. We've also trusted those hapless Iraqis and their silly government too much, Joe and John agree they can't secure anything by themselves. So we're going to do it for them.

5. Congress needs to go along with this, and support the President. And give him all the money he wants, for as long as he says. It was, and I quote, a "twist of fate" that brought Democrats to power, according to Joe, but it's clearly the case that these new folks need to follow whatever plan AEI and the President put forth. Which is going to be a "sustained surge." Unquote.

6. We are winning, we will continue to win, and surging will bring us even more winning. Winning is what is happening, and will happen, but we need to win with surging too. We haven't tried that kind of winning yet.

7. The troops are happy, they believe in the mission, they want to stay. They will be, and I quote, "overstressed" by this sustained surging, but they can handle it. If we don't stress them further, all deaths up to this point will have been for nothing.

8. The President needs to explain to the American people, and "make them understand" the need for the surge. He can do it, and the good folks at AEI, John, Joe and a couple of ex and current military folks are going to help him. In fact, they're going to say, as they did about 100 times this afternoon, that we must have a "sustained surge." Because we're winning.

9. If we don't commit to this plan right away, and sustain it for 18 months and more, the result with be "not the end of life as we know it," but a "totalitarian caliphate." Our enemies are Evil, part of an Axis of Evil, says Joe, and the American people need to understand that. Joe knows, and John agrees. Because they are "good friends."

10. NATO and the rest of the world should help more. They're mean and naughty for making us do this all by ourselves. They need to send troops and money to Iraq and Afghanistan, and do what we're doing. Because everyone should be in on the winning! Also, if they don't, well- let's just say Joe thinks that the Totalitarian Caliphate would be bad for women and gays. "Individual freedom? Forget it!"

When I get my phone camera working with this computer, I'll put up some pictures. I'll comment more later. But this concludes your hot off the presses Correntewire exclusive live from AEI. We're your source for all you want to know about the coming Surge- and believe me kids, these folks are quite sure they're going to get it. Joe and John agree: the CIC can do what he wants, and Congress can't stop him, even if all them tried. Which isn't going to happen, so long as John and Joe and their AEI friends have anything to say about it.

Update: Newberry has a nicely serious analysis about why the "plan" is a complete and total pile of steaming BS.

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DCblogger's picture
Submitted by DCblogger on

The plan is to come up with some sophistry that gives the village a pretense for continuing this catastrophe.

BDBlue's picture
Submitted by BDBlue on

Kevin Drum explains how that applies not only to McCain's Iraq position, but also to his economic plan. See

The only thing I can figure out is that when people think of McCain, they think of him circa 2000, when he still sucked, but would've been a better choice - and at the time at least seemed less crazy - than Bush. I doubt most people know anything about McCain's actual plans or beliefs. Only the 19% hardcore Republicans (those who still love W) seemed to pay any attention to the Republican primary process.

Submitted by lambert on

In the photo, he looks like he's about Lieberman's size. Do the photographers always shoot him from below to make him look like he's got this commanding presence?

[x] Any (D) in the general. [ ] Any mullah-sucking billionaire-teabagging torture-loving pus-encrusted spawn of Cthulhu, bless his (R) heart.