Something terrible is happening to me. This is the third TV show I’ve watched in the last month: First, Face the Nation, then the Olympics, now Press the Meat… I can just feel my neurons shrivelling up… But, duty calls! What are a few million brain cells compared to Corrente readers’ need to know?

Timmeh frames PortGate as an “uproar” in which “the President stands firm.” (Hat tip, Peter Dauou, for “the storyline trumps the story.”) And after hearing from Peter King (R-NY) and John Warner (R-VA) on PortGate and Iraq “on the brink of civil war,” we’ll hear about how it feels to govern California with a 33% approval rating from Arnold (R). Gosh, couldn’t Timmeh’s bookers find one single Democrat? Or, perhaps, in good kabuki fashion, the black-clad invisible scene-shifting kuroko spirited them all away. Our SCLM at work!

PortGate

RUSSERT: What’s the deal with the 45 day investigation?

KING: I’ve read same reports, the process to set up the investigation is “almost wrapped up” and will be announced soon. Has to be real investigation.

RUSSERT: If the investigation is full and thorough [snicker], will that satisfy you?

KING: We’ll have to see.

RUSSERT: You said the deal “brings the fox into the chicken coop,” that the UAE has been brought into our security perimiter. Is there anything anyone can say that will make you comfortable?

KING: It would have to be shown that nobody in the UAE government has ties to the Taliban or AQ. Only 3 or 4 years ago they did. Now it’s said they’re an ally, but only 4 1/2 years ago they were the enemy.

RUSSERT: What if there were were United Stated monitor within the company? [Here comes the face-saving “compromise”! Will the moderate Republican fall for it?]

KING: Yes, we could impose monitors like courts have done over unions in the past, for example. But the UAE government can shift as they have done in the past.

RUSSERT: [Invites Senator Warner to share his feelings.]

WARNER: The President has taken the right steps. We’ll review all the intelligence given to the CFIUS panel [Committee on Foreign Investments in the United States]. I’ve talked to the staff, Leader Frist. There will be a “coming together in Congress,” a consensus as we take a good look at this over the next 45 days.

Last night I contacted the DBW [Dubai Ports world] CEO, and I went to see him. He shared a copy of the agreement now being delivered, and it spells out willingness of this company to give every means of support to work this thing out on a “non-precedential basis.” [WTF?]

This company is doing business with 30 nations, they have an excellent record.

This is a bigger issue than this commercial agreement. [money] We are in a global situation diplomatically that involves our economic standing [money] and our military security [money].

I read the intelligence, the reports, I talked to the Pentagon. We dock 500 ships in emirates, we use their airfields for suport of Iraq and Afghanistan.

Since 9/11, they have been full partners in the war on terror. We are depending on the UAE, Qatar, Kuwait. We cannot mess this deal up. [But I thought we were building bases in Iraq proper? So what do we need the emirates for? Oh, wait…]

RUSSERT: One concern has been manipulated manifests that already get only limited scrutiny. Money for 9/11 strikes was transferred through UAE, the operation was planned in the UAE, two of the hijackers were from UAE, and after 9/11 the FBI complained about the lack of cooperation from the UAE. Governor Kean of the 9/11 panel says this deal is a bad idea, and that UAE officials tipped off OBL when we could have nailed him. Your thoughts?

WARNER: In our hearts, we need to support to troops [gags at the shamelessness], and the UAE essential to that. If they felt they were being mistreated, where else would we get the support?

KING: We can’t compare the UAE to Tony Blair. Did the review check whether the UAE government stil has the people who tipped off OBL? For convenience, they side with us now, but they can can shift back. The emir’s relatives could be with AQ and we haven’t looked.

RUSSERT: Bush says turning the deal down will “send a terrible signal” [money] that it’s OK for a company from one country but not another when the company plays by the rules.

KING: Nobody has more regard for Bush than I. But I lost 150 people on 9/11 and he implies I’m a racist. There is no demagogery here. This is serious. You can’t treat UAE like Great Britain [“Great British,” snicker. Can’t someone adjust His meds?]. Great Britain is not a Johnny-come-lately.

RUSSERT: Is there any anti-Arab bigotry here?

WARNER: We need to show strong leadershup in Congress and dispel bigoty. [gags at the shamelessness] We recognize that there strong feelings, but we have to recognize the global context [money], future business deals with other countries, don’t want to choke off other opportunities. We need to show leadership. make a persuasive case that the deal will go through.

KING: I’ll hold off leg if the 45 day investigation goes forward, if we see details, and it’s a full investigation. [Snicker]

WARNER: We’ve got to stop using the words “foreign ownership.” They’re not buying the port, they’re just getting leases to operate the terminal, the cranes. We’re not selling our ports.

KING: But they do have access. They are inside.

RUSSERT: The Democrats repeateedly tried to put more security money into ports, and they say that every time the Republicans say No. Do you regret voting No?

KING: Almost 100% is “screened,” though it’s not “examined.” [It depends on the meaning of “is”] Between 5% and 15% are examined. My committee is holding hearings…

RUSSERT: So the Democrats are right.

KING: No! [Ouch!] You don’t just throw money at it! We can’t examine everying that comes in. [Yes you can, for $7 a container, as demonstratede in Hong Kong.] Their idea is to throw money at it.

WARNER: One good thing about this controversy is that it is causing us to review port funding.

RUSSERT: That’s going to take money.

WARNER: A lot more money.

Summarizing The Republican Talking Points on PortGate, they are:

Selling our ports (oh, excuse me, the operation of the ports) is A Good Thing because it:

1. Supports globalization, which is all-important

2. Supports the troops, because otherwise our good allies, the UAE, will throw us out of our bases there.

Further:

3. Real port security is very expensive and we should spend as little as possible on it [whereas torture is cheaper]

And of course:

4. The purpose of the 45-day period is to grease the moderate Republicans. Once again.

Iraq Clusterfuck

RUSSERT: Do you believe Iraq is on brink of civil war?

WARNER: Not at this time, according to traditional defintions. There is a “high level of secular conflict.” [Snicker] The good news is that the elected representatives, that is, the PM, the religious, they’ve all come together and said let’s “take a grip” on this. The tribal leaders have joined. Our President phoned them. They all realize civil war could happen. Also, we’ve accelerated the training of Iraqi forces.

RUSSERT: If there is a civil war [cui bono], what happens to the troops?

WARNER: The troops should not be involved. We have in place today sufficient Iraqi forces, the 50 batallions. We should give support only.

RUSSERT: You supported war. There were four basic assumptions going in:

1. There would be EWM

2. We would not need large numbers of troops to occupy Iraq.

3. We would be greeted as liberators.

4. Shiites, Sunnis, and Kurds would unite as Iraqis.

Was the administration wrong on all four counts?

KING: No. We could not allow Saddam to defy UN resolutions. [Hastily moving on.] We are at a defining monent. The Sunnnis realize they will be slaightered and need us to prevent that. Sistani is doing well in calming things. It’s a “tough time.” Hopefuly they can hold together now, having “looked into the abyss,” avoid a civil war and form a government.

RUSSERT: If things are the same at end of year as they are now, what will you say?

WARNER: Things will improve. We have liberated that country. “The key is to keep the pressure on the elected leaders and tell them you’ve got to get your act together.” They can’t perceive that we have given them an open ticket so they can dither around. We don’t want to see more mosques blown up! They need to take charge.

Summarizing The Republican Talking Points on Civil War in Iraq, they are:

1. Bush is never wrong.

2. If there is a civil war, it’s the Iraqis fault.

3. In fact, by the November midterms, everything will be the Iraqi’s fault, because they couldn’t get their act together after we liberated them.

Der Gropenführer
This portion of our show is not so easy to take down. I confess I used to have a certain affection for Rummy, because his verbal stylings were so classically Rummmy-esque. I know, I know. And I confess to the same feeling watching Arnold. Even though I know Arnold was put into power because those weasels at Enron caused the California power “crisis” by rigging the market, and I just can’t imagine what Maria was thinking (was she thinking?) I just can’t help admiring the guy for being, well, so classically Arnold-esque. Here is a man who acts according to his true nature (which seems not to have a lot to do with any, erm, fixed system of beliefs, but let that pass).

Anyhow, Timmeh frames this one as Arnold “trying to mount a political comeback.” Reminds me of that old joke about Taft [faint rimshot]….

RUSSERT: So, what’s the deal with PortGate?

DER GROPENFÜHRER: We see complaints, so we must study further, the issue is globalization, and we need to do business everywhere. Globalization is mixed together with terror, though. “People are freaked out and rightfully so.”

“The number one responsibility of government is to protect the people.”

RUSSERT: So, in principle you have no objection to the deal with the UAE.

DER GROPENFÜHRER: Not principle, but security must be take care of.

RUSSERT: In Long Beach, the Chinese and many other nations operate port facilities.

DER GROPENFÜHRER: We control the security, not the Chinese, so I feel confident. Also, in the relations with Chertoff, he has always responded well.

RUSSERT: In Iraq, California has lost 242 dead, 1857 wounded. There are 20,000 serving, of whom 5,000 are from the National Guard. Are you concerned The Guard is being depleted?

DER GROPENFÜHRER: Sure, it has an effect When anyone dies, it is terrible. THose are the terrible moments when are gov, and you have to visit funerals [Wow, why don’t Presidents do that?]

RUSSERT: You’ve said, “We are one storm, one earthquake away from disaster.” The Guard is deplated, troops are quitting, 22% attrition rate, California has missed every recruiting standard. Are you concerned that the California Guard is not ready for floods or earthquakes?

DER GROPENFÜHRER: Not concerned about that, I’m concerned levees aren’t being built fast neough, that’s why I declared an emergency. Thousands of people and homes are at risk; it could be worse than NOLA.

Our ultimate job is to protect the people.

RUSSERT: In the Washington Post, we read the that the governors are challenging Bush on National Guard funds. Do you join in that challenge?

DER GROPENFÜHRER: Yes, we need the Guard to incarcerate undocumented immigrants, we need the border patrol. That’s why we’re still mad that California gets back 79 cents of every dollar in taxes it sends to Washington.

RUSSERT: Was Iraq a mistake?

DER GROPENFÜHRER: No, in hindsight, if we had not gone in we would not have had “all that hassle.” Only now it has “mushroomed into somethihng not intended.” Easier said than done. You can’t just pull out. Difficult, no difference between Iraq and VietNam or Korea, we are glued to the situation. We have got to get out as quickly as possible but also in a sensible way. [This would have been an ideal time to ask Arnold if he agrees with Murtha, but of course Timmeh does not do so.]

RUSSERT: Could you get swept up in an anti-Republican tide?

DER GROPENFÜHRER: Yes, that is always a concern. But my concern is doing the best job for the people of CA. Then its up to the people to judge. [An accountability moment!] As Reagan used to ask, Are you better off now than four years ago? Yes, 500,000 new jobs, paid down our debt, was 92 now is 75 billion dollars.

RUSSERT: Will you run as a Bush Republican?

DER GROPENFÜHRER: I will run as an Arnold Republican. I always promised I would serve everyone. I love being a public servant. My father 25 years ago said it was most honorable job.

RUSSERT: The ballot measures you were pushing all tanked.

DER GROPENFÜHRER: It was worth the fight for the reforms to take place. I was sent to Sacramento to fix the system and did this. Of course I made mistakes. I was in a hurry. But this is my style. When you are in public service maybe need to take more time. I was right, because it is very important to do education, redistricitng. Sometimes, you try to lift 500 poinds and you can’t lift. There is no shame in losing, the shame is in not trying. People always try to put me in a box, left or right. They can’t do that. I just want to do what’s right for the people of California.

RUSSERT: You won’t be calling the Democrats girly men.

DER GROPENFÜHRER: That is not necessary now.

RUSSERT: Your polls say 35% approval, disapproval 53%l Why?

DER GROPENFÜHRER: Some people pay attention to polls. The numbers I pay attention to are the unbelieveable decrease in the structural deficit, 500,000 more jobs, increase in salary and wage. I pay more attention to progress and success.

RUSSERT: Ppoele have sensed an evolution. Every year brings a new Arnold. Now
California is going $6.4 billion into debt, now there is an operating deficit, there are new bonds issues, fee increases. All within two months of losing the referendum. The Orange County Register asks: “Does the governor have any principles?”

DER GROPENFÜHRER: People are confused about the difference between spending and investing. And 80% of the Republicans are with me.

RUSSERT: The latest poll says 66%.

DER GROPENFÜHRER: No, 80. But let’s not get involved in the numbers.

We need to rebuild CA. Nothing in thirty years [Gosh, why?]. Need more classroooms, need to fix levees, highways, all neglected for years.

RUSSERT: Spend, spend, spend!

DER GROPENFÜHRER: Invest, invest, invest! [And steal the Democrat’s clothes at the swimming hole.]

RUSSERT: Here’s a candid speech you gave at the Press Club: “…On the job training, I did not go to school to be a governor.” Are you concerned about Democrats playing that tape over and over?

DER GROPENFÜHRER: It’s for everyone. Nobody can prepare for the job until you are there. The key thing is that you have a vision. We have the greatest state in the nation. Let’s keep it the best! When I was in Japan, first thing, “Please unload our ships faster.” They will be unloaded somewhere, so we had better make sure they are unloaded here. We are the center of the Asian market which is exploding. I encourage everyone, let us rebuild for the future.

RUSSERT: You will spend $120 million on your re-election.

DER GROPENFÜHRER: Those numbers never come from me, I never discuss those numbers. But you are correct, electoions are very expensive

I never take money from unions or Indian gaming tribes. Most important thing is that you can never be bought. What’s wrong is that money comes in and favors go out. But TV is very expensive, we need to support people like you — perhaps you could take a salary cut. [Nice shot!]

RUSSERT: [Parting chit chat.]

DER GROPENFÜHRER: You look nice and trim, your abs look good, keep up the good work.

Summarizing Der Der Gropenführer, they are:

Standard issue Republican talking points the same as Warner and King

1. Globalization, which is all-important

2. Bush is never wrong.

3. The same noxious, infantilizing view of the Leader’s duties as Bush has: “Protect the American people.” (No, fulfill your oath of office to uphold the Constitution, and the country can protect itself! From tyranny, especially.)

The following talking points are Arnold only, and they’re interesting, because, gosh, they sound like Democratic talking points:

4. Public service is honorable. (Imagine Bush saying this. Well, Bush is an AWWSA. So imagine Bush saying it and meaning it.)

5. Taxes can be used for investment. (Ditto.)

Whether Arnold has any credibility on points 4 and 5 is, of course, an open question.

All in all, an interesting performance by a still-dangerous performer. And if there’s a way for him to run for President, he will. Remember that the Republicans have no respect for custom, the laws, or the Constitution, so if they want to find a way to run Arnold, they will. And the press will frame it all as a complicated question, and then ask the Federalist Society for their informed professional opinion. Not that I’m paranoid.