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Mocking Maureen Dowd Gives Me Deep and Lasting Joy

BoGardiner's picture

Environmentalists, social activists, feminists, atheists, political junkies... our modern Swifts and Voltaires. George Carlin blended anger and satire to blissful perfection, Grist Magazine is doing it for environmentalism, and Melissa McEwan does it for sexism and racism at Shakesville.

As the Obama euphoria fades, expect much more of this, from 23/6:

The Reader's Guide to Maureen Dowd

Did you see the Barack Obama/Hillary Clinton event in New Hampshire? If you didn't, don't fret, because Maureen Dowd, or at least Maureen Dowd's Assistant, did. Anything important happen at the event? We don't know, but we can say it provided Dowd with a perfect stage to rollout all her best nicknames, rhymes, meaningless word play and filler political analysis.

How well did you follow along? Test your reading comprehension with our Maureen Dowd Reader's Guide.

1. Dowd's lead is: "Unity was spared the banality of unanimity."

What does this mean?

a) Nothing.
b) Something.

Answer: A

...3. FunTime Activity: Make your own Dowd lead. Just fill in the blanks with meaningless rhymes.

"Unity was spared the _______ of _______."
Hint: Some options include:

"Unity was spared the proximity of anonymity."
"Unity was spared the equanimity of prolixity."
"Unity was spared the blue kitty of a finance committee."
"Unity was spared the immunity of full frontal nudity."

4. When you want to make a point not really borne out by the facts what do you do?

a) Just admit it, but make your best case anyway.
b) Change course and make a point that is borne out by the facts.
c) Find a crazy person and launder your theory through him or her.

Answer: C. In this case, Dowd found a woman named "Carmella Lewis."

5. What does "Carmella Lewis" represent?

a) A meaningful trend on the campaign trail.
b) Dowd's pathological though tiresome hatred of Hillary Clinton.
c) Nothing.
d) Ten minutes of your life that you'll never get back.

Answer: B, C, and D.

...7. Dowd calls Clinton and Obama "Hill and Bam." Why does she do this?

a) Using playful nicknames for presidential candidates is a way for Dowd to pretend that the election is a meaningless dating game show in which candidates vie to see which one can appear "tougher," as a Phi Delt at Florida State would define it, and thereby make themselves an object of sexual desire for Maureen Dowd, who will in turn express that sexual desire under the guise of caring about what's best for the country.

Answer: A

8. Dowd writes that Carmella Lewis first says "I wish I had ear plugs," then "put her fingers in her ears" and then "tore up a tissue and stuffed it in her ears," and then she "put her hands over her tissue-stuffed ears."

Do you believe this really happened?

*If you answered yes, a Nigerian bank official will shortly be in contact with you regarding a substantial inheritance that he needs assistance with.

9. True or False: Dowd managed to get through a whole column without using a lame, tired insult for Bill Clinton.

Answer: False. It was "Elvis."

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bringiton's picture
Submitted by bringiton on

well done! And bad timing; the PB 1 & 5/8 (not quite there to 2.0 yet, are we?) thread did suck the air out of the rest of the room, didn't it?

MoDo isn't someone I read unless a particularly horrible example is dragged out by someone else so we can kick her around. Between the really bad hair dye and the really really bad styling (is "haystack" a hair style?) and the wretchedly drawn-on eyebrows (oh; those are real? so, so sorry to hear that) she looks like a lunatic before reading even one word.

Very scary person.

BoGardiner's picture
Submitted by BoGardiner on

Her popularity (routinely the most read/emailed item from the NY Times) is what's really scary.

One of the things feminists most object to about the misogynistic Dowd is her mocking of important women over their appearance, something far more rarely done of men... cough, cough...

I've had three or four other posts before this. I was happy to give up some air time, as I found the PB discussion stimulating; wish you'd been there.

Submitted by hipparchia on

i do, once in a thousand blue moons, like maureen dowd, but she needs to give the playing with gender constructs, or whatever she called it, a rest; she's got a bit of a tin ear for that.



anyhoo...



1. Dowd’s lead is: “Unity was spared the banality of unanimity.”


What does this mean?



c] look! i can riff off hannah arendt and the unity pony at the same time! aren't i erudite but cheeky!



…3. FunTime Activity: Make your own Dowd lead. Just fill in the blanks with meaningless rhymes.


“Unity was spared the _______ of _______.”



“Unity was spared the wrath of ceiling cat.”



4. When you want to make a point not really borne out by the facts what do you do?


d] invent a crazy person and launder your theory through him or her.



5. What does “Carmella Lewis” represent?


e] lewis carroll, watching through the looking glass darkily



…7. Dowd calls Clinton and Obama “Hill and Bam.” Why does she do this?


g] golfing it...

0. hill

1. mountains out of molehills

2. mountains > boulders > rocks > pebbles > dirt > dust

3. pebbles and bam bam!



8. Dowd writes that Carmella Lewis first says “I wish I had ear plugs,” then “put her fingers in her ears” and then “tore up a tissue and stuffed it in her ears,” and then she “put her hands over her tissue-stuffed ears.”


Do you believe this really happened?



why, yes! yes, i do! carmella's check for playing along with dowd's phantasy is in the mail. drawn on a nigerian bank.



9. True or False: Dowd managed to get through a whole column without using a lame, tired insult for Bill Clinton.


elvis rocks!

Submitted by cg.eye on

along with Dowd, you're doing both Dowd's and Obamabot's jobs for them.

Ms. Lewis might not be the media-ready Obama-skeptic we'd want, but that's who was probably pointed out to Dowd by Obama's advance men, like reporters glom onto costumed geeks at SF cons.

Just viz the headline: GOP plant or 'wacko'? Just a loyal Hillary ally

The Confluence extensively covered that rally, and had sign-holding PUMA reps there for interviews, but this is who Dowd and the MSM chose: One fairly savvy lady (who got her kid graduated from Harvard, incidentally) who said what she felt without talking points. "A Clinton delegate who has lived in Colorado more than 30 years, Lewis insists she's not an operative for presumptive Republican nominee John McCain. Nor is she a wacko, she says."

Stop being saps, people -- and start supporting ladies like Carmella, who still supports Hillary as a delegate. I thought we were supposed to be *nice* to those people?

BoGardiner's picture
Submitted by BoGardiner on

Thanks for the update that Lewis is real. But DOWD is the one mocking Lewis, by exaggerating and satirizing Lewis' reactions. Since Dowd in turn is being mocked, the result seems to me to be a defense of Lewis.

I think it's great to turn the tables and mock those who would stereotype and mock HRC supporters.

BoGardiner's picture
Submitted by BoGardiner on

was my fave line.

Dowd's meaningless, formulaic, sensationalist writing could spawn an entire satire industry.

It's some kind of nihilistic postmodern post-satire. Without a message, without a point of view, without humor, heart or soul.