Mocking Maureen Dowd Gives Me Deep and Lasting Joy
Environmentalists, social activists, feminists, atheists, political junkies... our modern Swifts and Voltaires. George Carlin blended anger and satire to blissful perfection, Grist Magazine is doing it for environmentalism, and Melissa McEwan does it for sexism and racism at Shakesville.
As the Obama euphoria fades, expect much more of this, from 23/6:
Did you see the Barack Obama/Hillary Clinton event in New Hampshire? If you didn't, don't fret, because Maureen Dowd, or at least Maureen Dowd's Assistant, did. Anything important happen at the event? We don't know, but we can say it provided Dowd with a perfect stage to rollout all her best
nicknames, rhymes, meaningless word play and fillerpolitical analysis.
How well did you follow along? Test your reading comprehension with our Maureen Dowd Reader's Guide.
1. Dowd's lead is: "Unity was spared the banality of unanimity."
What does this mean?
...3. FunTime Activity: Make your own Dowd lead. Just fill in the blanks with meaningless rhymes.
"Unity was spared the _______ of _______."
Hint: Some options include:
"Unity was spared the proximity of anonymity."
"Unity was spared the equanimity of prolixity."
"Unity was spared the blue kitty of a finance committee."
"Unity was spared the immunity of full frontal nudity."
4. When you want to make a point not really borne out by the facts what do you do?
a) Just admit it, but make your best case anyway.
b) Change course and make a point that is borne out by the facts.
c) Find a crazy person and launder your theory through him or her.
Answer: C. In this case, Dowd found a woman named "Carmella Lewis."
5. What does "Carmella Lewis" represent?
a) A meaningful trend on the campaign trail.
b) Dowd's pathological though tiresome hatred of Hillary Clinton.
d) Ten minutes of your life that you'll never get back.
Answer: B, C, and D.
...7. Dowd calls Clinton and Obama "Hill and Bam." Why does she do this?
a) Using playful nicknames for presidential candidates is a way for Dowd to pretend that the election is a meaningless dating game show in which candidates vie to see which one can appear "tougher," as a Phi Delt at Florida State would define it, and thereby make themselves an object of sexual desire for Maureen Dowd, who will in turn express that sexual desire under the guise of caring about what's best for the country.
8. Dowd writes that Carmella Lewis first says "I wish I had ear plugs," then "put her fingers in her ears" and then "tore up a tissue and stuffed it in her ears," and then she "put her hands over her tissue-stuffed ears."
Do you believe this really happened?
*If you answered yes, a Nigerian bank official will shortly be in contact with you regarding a substantial inheritance that he needs assistance with.
9. True or False: Dowd managed to get through a whole column without using a lame, tired insult for Bill Clinton.
Answer: False. It was "Elvis."