Happy Halloween, my little pirates.

Every year we go to the Pal's house in the Central District to scare the neighborhood. Her house was built in 1906 and is on asmall hill that rises from the sidewalk. It looms over you especially and when lit from beneath.

This year our theme is Circue du Scaree. A couple years ago, the Pal and I bought a bunch of stuff from one of those professional haunted house things---we have probably a hundred skeletons and skeleparts, dozens of cast masks and related costumage, even bollards with skulls on them to mark out the walking path. And we got the creepiest clown costumes ever. I mean, so creepy, my skin crawled carrying the headpieces to the car. And I rarely get creeped out.

Scaring children is a sickness. But our reasoning is very simple: if you face your fears, you deserve candy. So while we may scare the hell out of the kids (and their parents, grandparents, babysitters, etc., who bring them), they get double handfuls of excellent Halloween candy at the end. And they laugh. A lot. Okay, after the tears and scremaing, but seriously, the laughter is fantastic.

The fab GF and I couldn't make it last year as we were having Meth Head thievery issues, but we've done this for eight or nine years now. It's a blast. But it always goes the same.

First we have to set everything up. We're outside this year and it's pissing down rain, so I have to get the tent up and run all the stingers, and set up some heaters so we don't freeze. Then set all the lights. And then set up some mirrors (auto glass plastic window tint stertched along the walls), and other crap.

Set-up is a drag. Teardown is a bigger drag. But in between is a blast.

We've had lots of screaming and crying. We've had one girl literally jump out of her shoe and run two blocks down the street. Someone not in costume had to chase her down to give her her shoe back. We've had some great illusions, including a floating head and an arm lopper. We have fog machines and strobe lights and that electric thingie that goes ZAP.

My favorite kid has come every year since he was six. The first year he stood in the doorway, eyes bugging out of his head. Then he suddenly yelled, "Can't a brother get some candy?"

He got the entire bowl of candy. And now every year he comes by, bringing other kids to get scared. Soon, he will join us.

I don't even know his name.

So we must soon be on our way as there's much to do and many children to psychologically damage. I take comfort in knowing that as horrible as the world can be, these kids can learn that there are some monsters they can stare down and by staring them down, they win.

And they get candy.

Favorite Halloween candy: mini Three Musketeer bars. Fab GF likes candy corn--gag.