With his run for the White House turning into a cakewalk (after all, the results of one whole caucus are in), Barack Obama has already prepared his remarks for his swearing-in ceremony. And — for the first time — he's reached out to the progressive blogosphere, so we'll know what to expect:

Thank you, America. We brought together a coalition of Republicans, Independents, Libertarians, and Centrists — and an army of young voters who flipped a coin and chose me instead of Ron Paul.

They responded to a long overdue message: our country's problems are at least 50% caused by the bitter, partisan, secular, Baby Boomer hippie leftwing. It is a message that will help heal our battered republic.

On the matter of healing, it is my profoundest regret that Gerald Ford did not live to stand side-by-side with me, as I do what's right for the country and declare a national moment of Get Over It.

Now, some will carp and say that America must be wary of institutions like the media, the energy companies, and the health-insurance providers. They say we cannot partner with today's Republican Party. I will reach out to those skeptics and give them mirrors, so they can figure out why they aren't likable and cool. They weren't elected President, and I was. 'Nuff said.

I will send an extra-tall mirror to John Kerry and an extra-wide one to Al Gore, so they can reflect on the over-the-top liberal divisiveness they wounded the country with.

I would send one to Hillary Clinton, but I've already grudgingly acknowledged that she's "likable enough." But I won't send any to trial lawyers. If they want one, they can go ask special interest groups like unions to foot the bill.

I apologize for the shortness of my speech, but Social Security is in crisis, and there are meetings in DC about our Iran policy and telecom immunity, and I have to make sure I'm somewhere else at the time.

Thank you, and God bless!