Jesus’ General has revealed a new way to think about Bill O’Reilly, and feeling a surge in affection for Falafel Man, I wrote a song. Duh.

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Let me tell you all a story
About a man, a hero
He stood for hope and glory
His tolerance was zero

He fought against the bad guys
He brought them all to heel
He had two beautiful & firm thighs
They made you want to cop a feel

Oh, Billy, Oh, Billy
Ride the loofa
Let’s get silly
Oh, Billy
How’s the falafel?
When you’re such a sexy man
You should bathe cuz you smell awful
Oh, Billy
Call security
My love for you
Has brought impurity
Impurity, call security
Oh, Billy
I think I need a towel

The way he handles callers
Who tempt him on the airwaves
Bet you doughnuts on the dollar
They never get to see his cave

Bill’s a rough and ready leader
Breaks a nail and calls the troopers
In his manly little bike shorts
You can almost see his pooper
Super dooper

Oh, Billy, Oh, Billy
Ride the loofa
Let’s get silly
Oh, Billy
How’s the falafel?
When you’re such a sexy man
You should bathe cuz you smell awful
Oh, Billy
Call security
My love for you
Has brought impurity
Impurity, call security
Oh, Billy
I think I need a towel

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Image “How to examine your testicles” from here.

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