Shorter Darnton: Feminist tribalism = bad. Youth tribalism = good.

Shorter Eskow: Let’s pretend that Hillary gets the better media treatment. (Always a winner to project your own foibles onto your opposition. Works for Rove, why not for Axelrod?)

Michael Seitzman is too profound a thinker and too masterful a wordsmith to be shorterized, so let’s sample his choice comments about Hillary:

‘Scorched Earth’… completely destroy anything and everything… Hillary’s crying moment… She just handed the Republican nominee a soundbite he can play over and over and over again throughout the general election….

As thoughtful and healing as that was, it’s just a warmup for the big finish:

…a past full of the kind of partisan bickering that splits the nation down the middle, pitting American against American in a time when it benefits all of us to find common ground.

It’s breathtaking to me how juvenile the Clinton campaign is. There is a “take-my-ball-and-go-home” attitude in almost all of the rhetoric. Anger, sarcasm, chest pounding and foot stomping — this is a president? No, this is a toddler having a temper tantrum. This is someone in desperate need of a time-out.

And the more I hear the “Vote for me because I will beat the Republicans” refrain that climaxes every Clinton stump speech, the more I find it creepy and disturbing. Sorry, but the “Republicans” are half of the country. How often have we been told in the last several elections that the country is painfully divided politically.

I don’t want to sound too Kumbaya about this, but we shouldn’t be voting for someone because they will “beat” half our country into submission. We need a leader who will enlist the other half, who will invite them, who will welcome them and who will lead a nation into an uncertain future.

What we don’t need is a tone deaf, angry, sarcastic, brow-beating divider who would rather scorch the ground she lives on rather than imagine any possibility that she might not be the landlord. That kind of behavior represents a past we would all like to step away from, not a future any of us should embrace or even accept.

In response, I offer the words of James Downey, as the principal in Billy Madison: