Three more stories that prove what you already know: that Religious People Are the Best People.

Coral Eugene Watts, one of America’s most prolific serial killers, died on Friday of natural causes. He made a habit of murdering women on Sunday morning before church.

…according to Watts biographer Corey Mitchell, Watts killed women because he thought they were evil. It’s a word he used very often. He was deeply religious and a regular churchgoer all his life. He was concerned about being haunted by the spirits of his victims, so he took strange steps to keep the “spirits” at bay, i.e. in one case, after murdering a woman in her apartment, Watts disrobed and bathed her in what the author dubbed an “evil baptism” to keep her spirit at peace and at bay. In other cases, he took the women’s shoes or purses and then burned them, for the same reason, he said, to keep their spirits away.

Communion, Las Vegas-style:

A Roman Catholic priest who smashed a wine bottle over the head of a woman in church pleaded guilty to felony battery with a deadly weapon.

The Rev. George Chaanine admitted Thursday in Clark County District Court that he smashed the bottle over the 54-year-old woman’s head at Our Lady of Las Vegas Catholic Church in January….

The woman sang at the church and was hired by Chaanine in October as the parish events coordinator. She accused Chaanine of hitting her in the head with a wine bottle on Jan. 26, stomping on her hand, groping her and choking her until she began praying. She said he suddenly stopped and fled.

Chaanine was arrested almost a week later near Phoenix. The woman was treated for a broken hand and a gash on the head, authorities said.

Orthodox Jew Charles Jay Wolff is suing the State of New Hampshire for $10 million because his prison food includes hard-boiled eggs (don’t they serve roasted or boiled eggs at Seders?). The judge waxes Seussian in response to receiving an egg as an exhibit. But why is the pious plaintiff, whose holy needs are getting their day in court, locked up?

Wolff is serving 10 to 20 years for sexually assaulting a 7-year-old girl.

So, remember what I told ya:

God enables us to have morals, ethics, and values. If you don’t believe in and love Him, you are amoral, unethical, and valueless. Think about it — how could you be a good person without an invisible guy setting you straight? You couldn’t, silly.