I always expected the question of how Mike Huckabee's son killed that dog* would be a fertile source for opposition researchers.

But I didn't expect that would happen the minute the Iowa polls closed! Fuck!

[Welcome, C&L readers.]

Mike Huckabee describes the glory of heavenly guidance:

And somehow, by the grace of God, when I squeezed the trigger, my Weatherby .300 Mag, which has got to be the greatest gun, I think, ever made in the form of a rifle — for my sake in hunting, I've never squeezed the trigger and not gotten something — did its work, and somehow the angels took that bullet and went right to the antelope, and my hunt was over in a wonderful way.

That does sound wonderful, indeed.

If there are two things God likes, it's Republicans and animal-killing. So when the Huckster goes a-huntin', you think those angels would be wasting their time saving lives in Darfur? Not bloody likely.

Like the man says, read the Bible — the great epic ode to the pointless slaughter of all critters great and small.

[Welcome Drunk Report readers.]

I swear I'm not making this up! And it saddens me, just a little, truly. I would have thought that McCain, having been tortured, would be the very last Republican candidate to throw his hat in this particular ring:

But doggone it--hat tip to alert reader muttley66--once again I just wasn't cynical enough.

Follow me to the grand guignol below:

[Welcome, Digby and C&L readers!]

Yesterday, we asked the question:

How, exactly, did Mike Huckabee's son David kill that dog?

(To be fair, there was a second Scout involved in the killing with Huckabee; we'll get to that below.) And, based on the contemporaneous accounts, we gave what we thought was the best answer.

Today, Newsweek's Michael "Spiky" Isikoff tackles the Huckabee dog-killing story. Using the enormous reportorial resources of the Washington Post operation, he adds some interesting data points, but he circles round the real question which is, again:

How, exactly, did Mike Huckabee's son David kill that dog?

With that, let's look at how Spiky moved the story forward, starting with the fact that Huckabee seems to be running Arkansas like a personal fiefdom for the benefit of his family members* instead of like, you know, an actual state of the Union governed by the rule of law:

Welcome, I heart Huckabee readers! Welcome, Planet Romney readers!

Here's the barebones story of how 17-year-old Mike Huckabee's son, David, and 18-year-old Clayton Frady killed a dog when they were Boy Scouts, and got fired for it.* From the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette in 1998 (as quoted in DogBlog):

[David Huckabee,] the younger son of Gov. Mike Huckabee and another teen were fired last month from jobs at a Boy Scout camp after the killing of a stray dog.

So, why were they fired? For violating Scout Law.

Marcal Young of Texarkana, scout executive of the Caddo Area Council that operates the camp where the dog was killed, said this week that two boys violated a Scout law, “A Scout is kind.”

So, how and why did David Huckabee (and Clayton Frady) kill the dog?

Via the fair and balanced Ana Marie, this saccharine little vignette:

One of the Romney family's 1980s routines had been to gather in Mitt and Ann's bedroom each night to say their prayers together. Another family dog from that era, a yellow Labrador named McKenzie, would join them, putting her paws up on the bed in mock prayer, Ann told the Globe.

Hinky.

I'm telling you, the Romneys are hinky.

But what was McKenzie praying for? I think I know:

It really is a disturbing trend.

I mean, strap your dog on top of your car? Sure, Seanus is in a carrier, but Jeebus, even so. Whoever heard of such a thing?

But did I call my shot about Romney being "hinky", or what?

DEER SEX.

Yes, yes I am a shameless hit whore. Sue me.

And yes, it is the same guy who fucked the horse.

NY Daily News:

People passing by the vice president's residence over the weekend were shocked to see a dead deer on his lawn. "Who killed it!?" asked one horrified witness. "The deer has been there a while, because a friend E-mailed me earlier this morning to report the sad sighting. I just saw it myself, in a cab going down [Massachusetts Ave.]. I'm crying."

Coverage on this one has been pretty scanty, and there are some obvious questions to ask:

1. We're sure it was a dead deer, and not a horse's head dropped off by James Baker?

Assuming, arguendo, that the carcass was a dead deer:

2. Was the deer shot in the face?

Through the miracle of Google cache and answers.com:

Voila.

Amazing, isn't it?

The odd thing, or not, is that this kink is everywhere in the Republican leadership: Santorum, Frist, George Felix Allen, Bush.... And via A Liberal Dose, we are reminded of another example:

On May 5, 2005, anti-abortion extremist Neal Horsley was a guest on The Alan Colmes Show, a FOX News radio program. The topic was an interesting one - whether or not an internet service provider should allow Horsley to post the names of abortion doctors on his website. Horsley does that as a way of targeting them and one doctor has been killed. In the course of the interview, however, Colmes asked Horsley about his background, including a statement that he had admitted to engaging in homosexual and bestiality sex.

At first, Horsley laughed and said, "Just because it's printed in the media, people jump to believe it."

"Is it true?" Colmes asked.

"Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I..."

AC: "You had sex with animals?"

NH: "Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."

Yes, "mistakes were made."

As the Duchess said in the old story:

[The latest: Willard Mitt Romney.]

What is it with Republicans and animals?

We've got Rick Santorum's obsession with "man on dog" sex, we've got Bill "Hello Kitty" Frist stealing cats from the pound, treating them like pets, and only then dissecting them, we've got George Felix Allen "shoving" a severed deer's head into a mailbox, we've got Bush himself blowing up frogs by shoving firecrackers up their ass and lighting the fuse. Now here's another one:

Republican candidate Beauprez's running mate, Janet Rowland, quickly apologized after the public learned of her comments during a March broadcast of a public television program. Rowland said homosexuality is an alternative lifestyle, then added: "For some people, the alternative lifestyle is bestiality. Do we allow a man to marry a sheep?"

Now, one example? That's an outlier. Two, three? Data points. Four, then five: Statistical significance, baby!

And it just makes me sad. I've never thought that I lacked imagination. But, compared to Republicans... I guess I'm just limited, somehow.

I can go for weeks, months, years without thinking about torturing animals, or having sex with them. In fact--can we talk, here?--I've never thought about a man marrying a sheep, not once, until a Republican put the picture into my mind!

I've had to invent a whole new category for these people, and this post is the first to use it:

Please, somebody tell me this one's not true. Because otherwise, I'll have failed to be cynical enough about Republicans, yet again. All all these guys sadists, or what?

AP: