Pass me that bucket, wouldja Lambert?

I’m trying to get through this week’s “Real Time with Bill Maher,” but the interview with Chris Matthews made me start mainlining Maalox… and that was before Lord Kos showed up and convinced me that life is not worth living.

I can’t find video of the Matthews interview on HBO’s website, but I’m sure the segment will be prominently featured in the Museum of Shit, provided that they can build a large enough room for it.  Read more 

Bill Maher: I’m not trying to be sexist here, but I’m just saying that women try a lot of different tacks when they’re in arguments.

Harry Shearer: Do you remember the website in the 90s , where it was all her different hairstyles?

Maher: Well, hairstyles.

Harry Shearer: Yes, but now there’s going to be a website with all her different personalities.

Maher: Well, we made a montage, actually. Just to show you that, just — I’m not being sexist — I’m just saying that men, when we argue, we’re kind of a one-trick pony, we try our one thing, and then we —

Shearer: We yell.

Maher: And then we sulk when we don’t get our way.

[Plays a clip of Hillary, misty-eyed at a campaign event]

Maher: But look at Hillary Clinton. Because the first thing a woman does, of course, is cry. [Affecting a dramatic, teary voice] “I just want to be happy. Why can’t you just love me?”

Maher: And then they go to sweet talking.

[Plays a clip of Hillary complimenting Obama at a recent debate]

Maher: “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me! And you look so handsome in that tie!”

[Plays a clip of Hillary saying “shame on you” about Obama’s “Harry and Louise” brochure]

Maher: And then they throw an anger fit totally unrelated to anything. “Stay home and watch the game. See if I care.”

[Plays a clip of Hillary mocking Obama’s soaring rhetoric]

Maher: And when it doesn’t work, they bring out the sarcasm. “Oh, I’m just a woman, I couldn’t possibly understand the issues like you could.” Don’t write me, please ladies, don’t write me.

Christopher Hitchens: And then if you say “whine, whine, whine,” they say that’s sexist.

On tonight’s “Real Time with Bill Maher,” correspondent Dan Savage interviewed a young man in an Ohio State jacket, who said of Barack Obama:

He’s infallible. He can’t fuck up.

I have to admit, that’s a pretty good quality for a president.

Amid countless inanities in this week’s “Real Time with Bill Maher,” including gross misrepresentations by the host and perennial guest Andrew Sullivan about what’s at stake with the FISA legislation, was a statement by slimeball pollster Frank Luntz that would have been career suicide… if it had been uttered by a progressive.  Read more