Have you heard about the curious incident of the international agreement that did not bark in the nighttime?

Yes, I'm talking about the Softwood Lumber Agreement, whose "meritorious initiatives" were to be determined today--All $450 million smackeroos of meritoriousness. But the dog didn't bark. No announcement.

I know, I know. Meritorious, WTF? [Yawn] ""Softwood Lumber Agreement"? Honestly, MEGO (My Eyes Glaze Over). B-o-r-i-n-g.

But that's what they're counting on, you fools! Some may find $450 million dull, dull, dull. Even if it's a $450 million slush fund controlled by the Bush administration. Personally, I don't. Nor should any progressive, on either side of the border.

For those who came in late, the Softwood Lumber Agreement:

1. Sets aside $450 million for “meritorious initiatives.”

2. The nature of “meritorious initiatives" is not specified, and is therefore up to Bush.

3. How Bush spends of the $450 million is not subject to Congressional oversight.

4. No qualifications of any kind are required for the members of the board that will implement the SLA and disburse the $450 million, so Bush can appoint anybody he wants.

5. The beneficiaries for the “meritorious initiatives" are to be listed by September 1 (tomorrow today).

6. The mechanics for disbursing the $450 million may already be in place, and any cash flow problems could be solved by a compliant banker, so Bush can use the money now.

Can you say "slush fund"? I thought you could. (And the Canadians already have.)

Now, if you've been asking yourself what a cornered and desperate Republican administration that will do anything, anything at all to win would consider "meritorious" in an election year... Well, you're thinking like I do.

What's more, the text of the SLA explicitly states that the list of "meritorious initiatives" must be "determined" September 1: today.

But the list hasn't been published. Not on Google or Yahoo (regular and news, US and Canada), Reuters, Bloomberg, whitehouse.gov, www.commerce.gov, or PR Newswire.

Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. But why? Read more…