I promise you, the ones in South Shore and Boystown will always work perfectly, while the ones in certain lily-hued, properly religious neighborhoods will strangely malfunction whenever one of the Good Chicagoans is misled into temptation by a gay, black devil.

Julie Farby - All Headline News Staff Writer
Chicago, IL (AHN)-Chicago Mayor Richard Daley says that if Chicago wins the right to host the 2016 Summer Olympic Games, security and terrorism won't be an issue because, by that time, there'll be a surveillance camera on every corner.

During a meeting with the Sun-Times editorial board, Daley said, "By the time 2016 [rolls around], we'll have more cameras than Washington, D.C. ... Our technology is more advanced than any other city in the world -- even compared to London -- dealing with our cameras and the sophistication of cameras and retro-fitting all the cameras downtown in new buildings, doing the CTA cameras."