Nothing fails like prayer.

The team appointed to oversee Ted Haggard’s “spiritual restoration” after scandal forced him to end his ministry at New Life Church has agreed to his request to end their oversite of his recovery program.

New Life Church issued a statement Tuesday saying it believes the termination of the relationship is premature, but would not say why. Earlier in the process, church leaders had said they assumed that Haggard’s recovery could take several years.

The Colorado Springs evangelical congregation that Haggard founded also said it remains convinced that he should not return to any church ministry.  Read more 

Dollar Cross: “A Christ-Centered Dollar Store.”

They’ve even got a close-out section:

1. Jeff Gannon bobble-head dolls: Only $1.00! Putting the “bob” in “bobble”!

But read on for even better deals:  Read more 

But rose in a 100% manly, and extremely heterosexual way, of course:

Ted Haggard emerged from three weeks of intensive counseling convinced he is “completely heterosexual” and told an oversight board that his sexual contact with men was limited to his accuser.

“Completely,” eh? Overcompensate much, Ted?

Sweet Jeebus, three weeks? That’s “intensive”! What on earth could they have done to the man?  Read more 

Just when you thought they couldn’t be any more stupid.

Nearly two years ago, Rev. Haggard began his earth campaign as he threatened the Republican U.S. Senate, stating that he would turn the evangelicals against them if they refused to ratify global warming laws.  Read more 

[Managing to lower the bar yet again, Bush managed to publish a handy-dandy guide to making atomic bombs, in Arabic, on the net.

But I can’t write about that, because if I did, I’d start screaming again. So, following Woody Allen, let’s talk about Sex and Meth! Because, as the worst headline of the week says, Haggard sex allegations could rub off [!] on election returns.

Yes, Ted “Twitch” Haggard only bought meth, and never used it. And only bought an extremely legitimate and non-sexual massage. From the guy who hooked him up with his dealer. That’s his story, and he’s sticking to it:

Haggard told reporters outside his home in Colorado Springs that the massage was arranged by a Denver hotel [The name of whose concierge would be?] and was not sexual [No, no, of course not]. He also said he threw the drugs away. “I never kept it very long [Where was the stash? And “kept it” for days, weeks, months? Why keep it?!], because it’s — it was wrong. I was tempted. I bought it [Over three years, apparently], but I never used it,” [So why keep buying it?] he said.

Still, it does seem strange that “Twitch” would buy meth from a hotel-recommended masseur. Am I missing something here?

And the best part? The way all the other Christianists are saying, “Ted who? Never knew the guy!” (when Twitch’s National Association of Evangelicals claimed 30 millions members, and when the Christian Post called Twitch one of the most influential Christian[sists] on the planet. Jeebus, what a snakepit.

Yeah, Ted who?  Read more 

Though I was almost distracted by those teeth.

I’m sure that Ted “Twitch” Haggard will enjoy spending more time with his family. But will his family—I’m not talking about his, em, extended family here—enjoy to spend more time with him?  Read more 

Readers?  Read more