What if a man kidnapped a woman and made her play Grand Theft Auto? Every self-styled moralist in the country would have a field day about the sources of decadence.

Instead, the story goes like this:

TOLEDO, Ohio - A man held a woman captive in handcuffs and an adult diaper for three days while he read Bible passages to her, police said.

Troy Brisport, 34, was charged with kidnapping and felonious assault. Bail was set Tuesday at $400,000.

Hillary, um, dodged a bullet by not being the nominee. Imagine if she had been the one who said this:

"He tries to fool with my Beretta," Biden said of Obama in Virginia recently, "he's got a problem."

What if John McCain said that Black males have "abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men"?

Well, it wasn't him that said it. 'Twas the other guy.

To those who still stumble to the fainting couch at the mention of "Sister Souljah," I say welcome aboard the good ship "Triangulation II"!

(via the Make Them Accountable e-mail newsletter)

The very second (can you say "very second"?) blog post I ever wrote was called " What if it happened like this, #1."

I thought it would be a good format for showing hypocrisy, taking a story that people are blissfully unconcerned about and reimagining it in terms in which the villagers would get their torches out.

I never did write another one. Until Tony Rezko was convicted, while party insiders coronated his pal, Barack Obama.

Can you just imagine if he were a Clinton buddy, and their demonic Hillbilly Machine had made HRC the nominee?

Servers would be burnin' across the internets, wouldn't they? And every fainting couch in the Beltway would be at beyond capacity.