Somebody heaved a bulky manila envelope through the frosted glass doors of The Department of How Stupid Do They Think We Are? Of course, since that Department is always closed they had no choice, so, like good liberals, we were not angry, and when we got done sweeping up the glass and installing the plywood, we opened the envelope and found ourselves perusing the latest email from Ken Mehlman—just in time for the SOTU. We’ve excerpted and highlighted the really good parts for your innoculating pleasure. Now, watch them propagate!

After September 11th, we heard so often that our government failed to connect the dots. So, the President signed the Patriot Act, which had been passed overwhelmingly by Congress. He took appropriate action to connect the dots. He reformed the government bureaucracy, enabling it to fight a different kind of war.

Thanks for the opportunity to serve, Mr. President!

How do Democrats respond? They play politics, brag about “killing” the Patriot Act, and accuse the President of breaking the law and violating civil rights. These are not the actions of a party that can be trusted to safeguard our national security.

We trust you, Mr. President!

So get ready for one of the most convincing documentaries since, well, since ever. Watch this exposé showing “Harry Reid and the Democrats [and] their attempts to weaken the PATRIOT Act, an essential tool in America’s arsenal to fight the War on Terror.”

Thanks for the key “bullet” point, Mr. President!

•”CHARGED 401 INDIVIDUALS WITH CRIMES IN TERRORISM RELATED ACTIVITIES”

For some reason they don’t mention how many convictions they’ve gotten.