SCOTUS Lube: A Magical Gift for the Supreme Court Nominee in Your Family!

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WASHINGTON — Insisting that God “certainly needs to be involved” in the Supreme Court confirmation process, three Christian ministers today blessed the doors of the hearing room where Senate Judiciary Committee members will begin considering the nomination of Judge Samuel Alito on Monday.

The rest of the article is at the Wall Street Journal.

I was so moved by this invocation of an invisible omnipotent force I felt another Spiritual Song rising up in me, rising up off its Hallowed Oiled Seat on the Barca Lounger of my Soul, to claim it’s rightful 37 seconds of your life. Adjusting bottoms now…

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There is a throne in Heaven
Where the Lord awaits the Flood
There is a throne in Heaven
High above the mud

There is a throne in Heaven
There to find what you did seek
It’s time to spread the oil
Where He will spread His cheeks

It’s time to spread the oil
Where He will spread His cheeks

God is very interested
In what we say and do
But just in case He should forget
We have something we can do

On the seat where sits the Chosen
Who will face the faithless ones
The oil will prepare our Man
For the shit that is to come

The oil will prepare our Man
For the shit that is to come

On earth as is in Heaven
The cheeks will surely meet
A blessed lubricant
Massaged into the seat

For life is full of danger
Though we seek to make it safe
We pray for God and SCOTUS
Their asses not to chafe

We pray for God and SCOTUS
Their asses not to chafe

Where does the Oil come from?
What makes it so profound?
Why with all the questions?
Are you some nosy kind of hound?

Let’s just say it’s Holy
And wields a special power
But do not put it in your milk
It will turn it rather sour

But do not put in in your milk
It will turn it rather sour

We have taken every measure
To insure that he will pass
The judgement of our brothers:
Be he true or just an ass

So off we go, we Christians
We Keepers of the Flame
If Alito should get hemorrhoids
It’s not us who’ll be to blame

The judgement of our brothers:
Be he true or just an ass

There is a throne in Heaven
Where the Lord awaits the Flood
There is a throne in Heaven
High above the mud

There is a throne in Heaven
There to find what you did seek
It’s time to spread the oil
Where He will spread His cheeks

It’s time to spread the oil
Where He will spread His cheeks

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Original links to this story include the notorious Jesus’ General via Pharyngula.

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Image of Holy Oils from here.

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