Now that's "strategic behavior." Anyhow, I read this remarkable column by Joseph Nocera on the bailout in the The World's Greatest Newspaper (Not!), looking for answers to three questions: (1) Why? (2) Why a trillion? and (3) Why NOW NOW NOW? And I did indeed get my takeaway, though not, perhaps, the one that Nocera expected:

Markets Can’t Wait for Congress to Act

And I "can't wait" for my pony!!!!!!!!!!!

Here we are a week later, and guess what? Armageddon is again approaching. All week long, the credit-default swap spreads on Morgan Stanley widened, until, by Friday, they were actually worse than they were at any time during the previous week. ...

Why? And why a trillion? And why NOW NOW NOW?

The markets may not be as panicked as they were last week, but with every passing day, the situation is getting increasingly dangerous.

Or, to put it another way, with every passing day, Congress is fiddling while Rome is burning. ...

Why? And why a trillion? And why NOW NOW NOW?

Whatever its imperfections — and despite the possibility it might not work — it needs to be approved, quickly. I’m praying that by the time the markets open on Monday, Congressional leaders will have reached a consensus on the bailout plan. We’re running out of time. ...

Why? And why a trillion? And why NOW NOW NOW?

If the country had more time, I would argue that we put ideas like that into the sunlight and see if they flower. But we don’t have any more time. Nine days ago, the financial markets were staring into the abyss; the only thing that pulled them back was the news that the Treasury and the Federal Reserve had come up with a bailout plan. ...

Why? And why a trillion? And why NOW NOW NOW?

And the only thing that has kept them from falling back is the expectation that the plan will be approved quickly. For a while, it looked as if that was exactly what would happen.

Mr. Paulson and Federal Reserve chairman, Ben S. Bernanke, spent the early part of the week defending the plan before Congress. While they faced tough questioning [feh], their main point came through: they had to act fast, otherwise the economy would crater. ...

Why? And why a trillion? And why NOW NOW NOW?

And so do the markets themselves, which is the most important point of all. Psychology always drives market behavior, and right now, the markets are desperately clinging to the idea that the Paulson plan is the only hope of regaining the confidence of borrowers, lenders and investors. Politics is politics, but the markets are not going to wait forever for a deal to be struck. In fact, I don’t think they are going to wait much past the weekend. No deal, no credit markets. It’s as basic as that. ...

Why? And why a trillion? And why NOW NOW NOW?

Every part of our economy depends on the credit markets. I know you’ve heard it before, but it bears repeating. If we do not claw our way out of this crisis, the country will face a severe recession.

Right now, our elected representatives need to get down to business and agree to pass the Paulson plan. If they don’t, they — and we — will live to regret it.

Why? And why a trillion? And why NOW NOW NOW?

Did you see any explanation for why the crisis is happening, or any accountability? Did you see any explanation for why a trillion dollars to Hank Paulson's golfing buddies is needed to solve it? And did you see any answer for NOW NOW NOW?

But wait a minute....

I think I'm getting the picture....

I've got the explanation!

The why, the why a trillion, and the NOW NOW NOW translate into something very, very simple, the kind of thing that Barney Frank thinks the American people "can understand". Here it is:

This is a stickup.

Well, fuck that, fuck them, and fuck everyone who's helping them get away with it, which includes the leadership of both parties, including their candidates.

UPDATE Via Calculated Risk, according to the the WSJ, the negotiators working on the deal are Senators Dodd (D-Connecticut) and Gregg (R-New Hampshire), and Congressman Frank (D-Massachusetts) and Blunt (R-Missouri).

It emerged shortly before the meeting began that Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson is expected to attend the negotiations.

According to lawmakers on both sides of the aisle, the plan proposed by Mr. Paulson, which would see the federal government buy up to $700 billion in toxic mortgage-linked assets, will form the core of any solution.

"Solution," although nobody can explain the problem, explain why $700 billion is needed, or how it forms a solution.

Translation: The Dems aren't caving; they want this (just like FISA). The token show of resistance was designed to allow them to cherish the self-delusion that they're different from the crooks and liars across the aisle; and to allow their constituencies to imagine they were, in some small way, represented. And to think I actually sent Dodd money on FISA. How stupid was that?

UPDATE Well, well. Blount was involved in the FISA [gag. spew] "compromise." WaPo:

Yesterday got off to a much better start, as House Minority Whip Roy Blunt (R-Mo.) announced that he would join the negotiations. A member of GOP leadership for six years, Blunt enjoys a comfortable relationship with some Democrats and played the lead role in several recent bipartisan negotiations, including a compromise on foreign intelligence surveillance legislation.

Well, now I feel much better. Cleansed. Or maybe not. [reach me that bucket, wouldja hon?]

UPDATE Leader Nance, enabler of the FISA [gag. spew] "compromise":

``It would be my hope that this could be resolved today, that we'd have a day for the American people and members of Congress to review the legislation on the Internet,'' said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Democrat of California. ``One thing is for sure, we are not leaving until this legislation is passed.''

Isn't that great? The legislation will be on the Internet for us to read before they go ahead and pass it. As Nance says: "They are advocates. We are leaders." Ante up, little people! Universal health care is a small price to pay, to allow Hank Paulson and his golfing buddies to live in the style to which it has become accustomed!

UPDATE And speaking of "strategic behavior", Interfluidity (via Anglachel) asks a very good question: "Why did Friday come early this week?" I mean, everyone know that banks fail on Friday after 5:00. So why did WaMu fail -- or why was it allowed to fail -- on Thursday? When the going gets tough, the tough get foily.

UPDATE Excellent analysis of Roubini's plan, not that anything that doesn't massively suck has a chance in hell of passing with Bush + Reid + Pelosi + Frank + Obama + McCain in charge (hat tip BDBlue).

UPDATE Does this explain the why? Paulson and his golfing buddies have managed to make the Fed illiquid? (hat tip tnjen) Fine. Can the insurance company I now own get me some health care? Thanks.

UPDATE Obama continues to meta-lead:

Both presidential candidates are trying to position themselves to take at least partial credit if an accord is reached. Obama spokesman Tommy Vietor offered new details from Thursday's contentious White House meeting that underscored the divisions among lawmakers trying to reach an agreement.

He said Obama encouraged Paulson to work with House Republicans. Since then, Vietor said, Obama has urged negotiators to find a compromise with enough options so the treasury secretary has the flexibility "to act in an effective manner to stem this crisis."

Except, of course, for mortage relief. That's not an "option," because Obama took it off the table right away, showing once again his mad negotiation skillz. But then, only little people need mortgage relief, so who gives a flying fuck?

UPDATE Steny "Putting the 'Ho' In" Hoyer, another FISA betrayer, weighs in:

All parties to the talks have agreed on at least one point: The need for an oversight board to ensure the program is run properly. The final details of the board remained unclear last night, and most lawmakers said it was too early to know who is likely to run it.

Hoyer said that whoever oversees the bailout program must instill "confidence" in the public and must not have any conflicts of interest with the financial markets or the Treasury.

Well, somebody like that should be easy to find. Hey, how about Hillary? She could implement HOLC!

UPDATE Kevin Drum reproduces the conventional wisdom in Mother Jones, of all places.

Meanwhile, outside Congress, every pundit, academic, and blogger in the country seemed determined to prove their manhood by proposing that we ditch the Paulson plan and instead spend our time considering some shiny new idea that they insisted was way more bitchin' than anything coming from all those other guys.

Gee, and to think I thought that Paul Krugman, Nouriel Roubini, and Joseph Stiglitz were all serious people. Boy, is my face red!

Or not. Amazingly, Drum recommends -- uncritically -- the very Nocera article critiqued here. He's joined the NOW NOW NOW brigade, like the rest of 'em, he never explains why, why a trillion, and why NOW NOW NOW.

NOTE Yggles on Nocera: "I know you want the candy...". Exactly.