In Atlanta, Debbie Lange said she was no rock-hard Republican.
But Times stenographer Michael Powell, apparently, is. “Rock hard,” at least.
Because nobody appeals to the bedwetters like Bernie Kerik’s boss:
“We haven’t seen the last of all the horrible things that could happen to us,” she said, her voice becoming a whisper. “I want someone who could look the worst in the face when it happens.”
Er, yikes! And, naturally, the high school clique-level political “reporters” at the world’s greatest newspaper (not!) are already starting to turn Rudy’s narcissistic authoritarianism into a lovable character foible. The narcissism:
Mr. Giuliani’s brow furrowed. He began talking about the grand, bipartisan, four-president-long effort to put a man on the moon. Such an achievement “needs someone with a driving personality who can get it done.”
He smiled, almost to himself [Sigh…]. “And I’ve got the candidate who can get it done,” he said.
He took two steps, leaned toward her and pointed at his chest [Sigh…]. He mouthed [Oh my!] a single word:
“Me.”
Oh my goodness! Me. Me. Me. Me. And the authoritarianism:
Mr. Giuliani laughs [Oooh!], he gestures expansively [Aaah!], he even pokes [Oh my goodness!] fun at his tendency to wax a wee bit authoritarian.
Lovable Rudy! But then, authoritarians are loveable!
(He suggests a touch of the cane [Rudy, oh Rudy!] was necessary to impose discipline on that liberal asylum known as New York.)
Need a tissue, Mr. Powell? (Too bad Powell paraphrases that quote. Because I would really, really like to know what Rudy actually said.)
What’s left on the presidential campaign trail is a commanding daddy of a candidate, a disciplined fellow who talks about terrorism and fiscal order and about terrorism some more.
Hurt me, Daddy!
And best of all, Rudy isn’t a faggot like those other other sissy candidates (especially the Democrats):
In dress, he plays to type. Other candidates go open-necked or pull flannel shirts out of the closet for New Hampshire.
Not the former mayor.
Naah, Rudy doesn’t even know where the closet is.
Because Rudy is A Real Man:
His sentences are taut three-step progressions that end with a pleasing verbal whap!
Dominate me!
That’s the subtext. And while I’m sure that the “reporter,” Michael Powell, would say that this piece is atmospheric, in the ironic, snippy, high school confidential, MoDo-esque tone that the press used to gore Gore in 2000, and still uses to this day, that’s the subtext. If you don’t believe me, read the piece again and see where the prose gets heated.
Dominate me, Rudy! Dominate me!
Whimper.
NOTE Of course, the climate of fear that Rudy, like the typical autocoprophagic Republican, is both creating and feeding off, goes entirely unexamined in Powell’s humid prose. What a surprise! I guess it’s too much to ask that a political reporter, ya know, cover the politics.
Front page
I fear! Fear! Fear! the man is an idiot
He really said
??
Let’s see. Kennedy announced/started it. (Yes there was a rocket/missile progam under Eisenhower; under Truman for that matter. It was not designed with a concrete goal of “putting a man on the moon.”)
Johnson funded it, shoveling as much pork as possible to his home state (cf Johnson Space Center and related matters.)
And when Armstrong and Aldrin landed, their ship had a plaque on one leg with the “we came in peace for all mankind” thingy inscribed on it over the signature of (goddamit, this still pisses me off after all these years) Richard M. Nixon, the guy who took the credit while cutting off the gonads of the future of the greatest program this country ever engaged in…ahem, where was I?
Where is this fourth president Rude-Eh cites? I was around and paying attention in those days and I don’t remember any such person. Maybe Rude-Eh is too busy being forceful and can’t remember any numbers besides nine and eleven any more. Innumeracy, like other forms of stupidity and ignorance, is not a good thing in presidents.
The fourth President was, of course, Dick Cheney
As part of the Republican youth movement of that time, Cheney was even then running a parallel, shadow government.
No authoritarians were tortured in the writing of this post.
Feh. Cheney was but a wee tyrant-in-training
in those days. (ack, spit, ptooey.)
Still busy puffing through his 4-pack-a-day cig habit and flunking out of whatever good school he somehow got into (Yale?), scuttling back to Wyoming to finish, dodging the draft and having sex with Lynn (apologies for mental image; brain bleach is in the sink over there) just often enough to generate just enough kids to keep him out of the way of the sort of harm he would later work so hard to send others off to.
Much as I would like to invite him to give inspirational speeches at Cook County Jail (great source of already-trained TSA agents and other thugs after all Dick, c’mon over! Got a great photo-op for ya sleepin’ on a bunk and showering with the guys! Here, have some soap!) on a regular basis, I don’t think Rude-Eh can count him as a president for man-on-the-moon purposes.
C'mon, Xan
Don’t you recognize a good cover story when you see one?
Though Dick “Soap-on-a-rope” Cheney does have a certain appeal…
No authoritarians were tortured in the writing of this post.
Oh for the love of Pete
How much longer must society at large pretend that Repugs in any way resemble the pictures of themselves they have in their heads????
I mean, ROCK HARD?!?!?!
Every picture of a young Repug falls into one of two categories: fat and lean (like the biblical cows).
Using their math, young is anything under fifty. Outside that gated community, anyone over 12-14 needs to be dragged into the culture of responsibility: no contraception or abortion for depraved females living outside the minority religion of the land. Retarded black boys in the 12-14 age group should be tried as adults and put on death row. (This is independent of arrest, charge and sentencing, as pre-emptive arrest is now all the rage, but an actual open-shut trial is good here too.)
Going by incidental photos online, the young, white Repug Male is indistinguishable from the futon in my spare room. The young white Repug female is like the above, except for those starved Repuglo Media Raptors like Coulter and Malkin, kept vicious by being underfed by their masters.
.
Really Really Actually So Hard to be So Dense
It must be really hard, impressive, even, to read that piece on Giuliani and take every word in an ironic, uninflected manner. Impressive though in that superheated blog-now-don’t-think fashion
Which "piece"?
The post, or the Times article?
No authoritarians were tortured in the writing of this post.