Voting on the old dinosaur machines in Pennsylvania and other places had its flaws, but there was one part they made helpfully stupid-proof. After you pulled the little levers to register your vote in each race, you pulled a BIG lever that opened the curtain and allowed you out of the booth. That lever was what officially “cast” your votes into the little counters inside the machine. Very 1930s-ish technology but (unless the damn machine threw a shoe, or tossed a wire off a pulley which they were prone to do, trapping you inside and causing a hysterical call for a repairman) it worked.

The new e-voting machines are not so straightforward, or at least not so stupid-proof, as proved by this story out of Allentown. You cast all the votes you want, but then you have to hit one last button IN ORDER FOR YOUR VOTE TO COUNT. If you don’t notice this, or think that just the vote on each race constituted “voting”, bad things can happen, the BEST of which is that your vote can be cancelled and thrown away.

Now in PA there is a conflict over what the election officials should do about the matter. And you, dear friend, have just become a FLEEING VOTER. I never heard this term before and if the consequences weren’t so deplorable I would consider it a mildly cool thing to be, if one were Republican that is.

Upshot of the story, if you don’t have time to read it, is to PUSH THE FUCKING BUTTON, DAMMIT. It probably says “VOTE NOW” or words to that effect on the screen. Do not, whatever you do, just walk away. Call an official over for consultation if you have ANY question, or even if you don’t, just to make absofuckinglutely sure that there isn’t some stupid little glitch you overlooked.

And make sure you emphasize this to everyone you talk to about voting, particularly if they are new at it, infrequent voters, uncomfortable with technology or, I hate to say it, older.

(Not because older people are automatically technofuddies—and don’t say that I said that, you whippersnapper, or I will whack you with my cane—but because they have the longest experience with the older system(s) and might be apt to assume “I know how to vote you little twit, I’ve done it a million times.” Overconfidence will kill ya in this business, right? RIGHT?)

Right. Now make a note to call tomorrow and see if they need any last minute polling place workers in your jurisdiction. Yes I know you called before when I yelled at you about it, and they said “Thanks but we’re full,” but you never know, people get sick, people die. Call again.

ADDED NOTE: Deadline for registration in New Jersey, and probably some other places, is Tuesday. Call your local office to make sure you’re on the list, particularly if you have moved, changed your name or done anything else to make your ID not match what’s on the registration rolls. And while you got ’em on the line make sure you are clear on what sort of ID is required to vote. Then make sure you have that, kapish?