Why I hate Hillary Clinton
Submitted by vastleft on Mon, 02/04/2008 - 1:43am
- Because in my considered judgment, having another president named "Clinton" would be lame
- Because she's so old, and the Baby Boomers ruined everything. Youth voting is inspiring. Older voters? Ho-hum.
- Because she thinks the progressive fights of the 1960s and 1990s are still worth fighting
- Because the Republicans proved that her husband cheated on her
- Because the Republicans drummed up fake scandals about her that were proven untrue
- Because rightwingers consider her a fat, Marxist lesbian. No way do I want to support someone that Republicans hate.
- Because her alleged faux pas are all damnable, unlike Obama's actual statements, which are always beyond reproach
- Because, unlike Obama, she doesn't inspire cult-like devotion
- Because the Obama campaign twisted her and her husband's statements to paint her as a racist
- Because the media repeatedly tells me that, despite her centrist policies, she's "polarizing"
- Because her campaign is focused on energizing Democrats instead of those all-important Independents and repentant Republicans (in case there are any)
- Because the Democrats barely have a chance to win and need to choose the trendiest candidate, despite close (and clouded) vote counts in 2000 and 2004, and a massive win in 2006
- Because her husband ran on that awful, triangulating "third way," unlike Obama's awesome triangulating post-partisanship
- Because she's too much like a Republican, and not in some undefinable awesome way that appeals to Republicans but is really incredibly progressive
- Because she supported the war since the beginning, while Obama was gracious enough to wait until he was in the Senate to support the war
- Because saying "hope" and "change" will make our problems go away. As long as we say them enough, of course (and she doesn't).
- Because she doesn't make contentless pap sound like inspiration
- Because she just wants to be "right" instead of admitting that Democrats are 50% responsible for all of our current problems.
- Because it would be inspiring to have a black president (even to our enemies, who would be instantly disarmed by it!), as opposed to if we had a woman president, which would be meaningless
- Because she doesn't realize liberals should be shamed for not being sufficiently religiose
- Because Jesus didn't personally call her to lead us to the Promised Land
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Prophylactic for the humorless: this is satire. If you think it wasn't, go back and re-read, and then consider adding some irony to your diet.